ALONE

~In December of 2013 my wife, Josephine, went off of her medication and suffered from an apparent psychotic break.

After sending out horrible emails about me and other hurtful things -- 

She Left.

I have no idea where she is or even if she is still alive.

The pain I have suffered has been horrendous.

I am writing this because I want to get out what is bottled up inside of me.

The song below is one of the most beautiful songs I have heard.

It also communicates where my heart is right now.~

As a person who was abandoned by my mother at six weeks of age, abandonment is a very fearful thing for me. As I sit in this house alone I constantly see things that remind me of Josephine. After almost twenty years of sharing, defending and loving a person -- the silence is deafening. My children are now adults and I am just an old man who is left with memories. I guess I am sharing this because I want you to know that I am a broken person, as are you. Just because I am a person who is seen as a person with answers, doesn't mean I do not experience the pain that others do.

What I will say is I have heard a phrase over and over from people,

"God will not allow you to face more than you can handle."

I thought I would take a minute and explain where that quote has its origins and why it is not true. This is a misquotation of 1 Corinthians 10:13, which actually says:

"No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man.

God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability,

but with the temptation he will also provide

the way to escape, 

that you may be able to endure it." (ESV)

Now, not to be cruel to people who are trying to help and are at a loss for words, this passage is talking about temptation not when your whole world collapses around you. It also makes the person who is suffering want to say, 

"I am at my wits end and I really cannot endure this. Why is God punishing me?"

I believe another passage is helpful, at least it is to me. Jesus knew we would be faced with troubles. The Christians of the first century faced persecution so intense that it would often cost them their lives. He knew that in this world we would face troubles. Often times, they are more than we can bear. So, during this time in my life, I have found my faith increased and my prayer life energized. I know this is more than I can handle! I throw myself on the faith and mercy of Jesus. His words are here to be a source of comfort.

"Come to me, all who are weary and heavy laden,

and I will  give you rest.

Take my yoke upon you,

and learn from me,

for I am gentile and lowly in heart,

and you will find rest for your souls.

For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light"

(Matthew 11:28-30 - ESV)

I am not trying to give you a pie-in-the-sky  response to suffering. I am saying, that for me, the only place I have left to turn is my faith in Jesus Christ.

I have no idea where this path will lead, but I do know who is with me.

Thank you for your time.

Grace

~Al

FOLLOWERS AND LEADERS

I apologize for not posting for over a month. My doctor found what he called "an acute blood clot" - (I didn't find it cute) - in my mid-thigh. Needless to say, I have been on industrial strength Drain-o blood thinners. They left me extremely weak. Thankfully I am balancing out on Cumadin and the clot appears to be gone.
I would also like to thank those who have viewed my blog, which is at its first anniversary - 24,350 views so far.

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~Please Watch This Video by my Friend Curt Cloninger~

Leadership! I hear a great deal about how we need more leaders in the church. We have Leadership Training Courses, Seminars, Retreats and even para-church organizations dedicated to training leaders. I think Curt is right - we need better followers. As human beings we have a tendency to elevate people in our expectations. More often than not, they prove to be just as frail and weak as the rest of us. We have seen ministers of gigantic churches fail morally and have witnessed the devastation left in the wake.

In Mark 10:35-37, 41-45 listen to what Jesus had to say about followers and leaders:

" James and John, Zebedee's sons, came up to him.

'Teacher, we have something we want you to do for us.'

'What is it? I'll see what I can do.'

'Arrange it,' they said,

'so that we will be awarded the highest places of honor in your glory

-- one of us at the right, the other at you left.'"

....

"When the other ten heard of this conversation, they lost their tempers with James and John.

Jesus got them together to settle things down.

'You've observed how godless rulers throw their weight around,'

he said,

'and when people get a little power how quickly it goes to their heads.

It's not going to be that way with you.

Whoever wants to be great must become a servant.

Whoever wants to be first among you must be your slave.

That is what the Son of Man has done:

He came to serve, not to be served -- and then to 

give his life in exchange for many who are held hostage."

(The Message)

If I were asked, "What is the largest problem facing the church?" I would say, "We no longer follow Jesus." We have divided his Body the Church over utter nonsense. We have split churches over dogmatic issues that have nothing to do with following Jesus. We have ostracized and shunned the very people Jesus surrounded himself with. We now have Mega-Churches and Mega-Preachers, yet to simply follow Jesus is woefully overlooked.

Jesus saw his followers as being the type of followers that when they had 100 sheep in a field and one went missing, would leave the 99 in search of the 1. The church is NOT a political power broker. It does NOT have the corner on the truth -- no matter which preacher is your favorite. It is NOT a place to get dressed up and meet once a week in a multi-million dollar building. THE CHURCH IS TO BE THE REPRESENTATION OF JESUS ON THIS EARTH!

We have been called to follow him, follow his example and touch people the way he did. The Kingdom of God is radical. It is not American, European, Asian, African or anything of this world. It is simply the method God has chosen to touch and heal a broken world.

Please spend some time in the Gospels. See if you can learn how Jesus thought and felt about people - then go and do likewise.

Peace

~Al

LIVING YEARS

~ This Song Came on the Radio and it Touched Me. ~

I come in contact with so many people who have been hurt or alienated from a parent, friend or sibling. Often times there can be decades between any type of communication. In my own life, as a survivor of various types of abuse, I close a door in my mind on that person. I guess I got that from my Dad. He was a very "compartmentalized" man. He could seal off emotions, feelings and even memories that he chose to forget. I know now that is probably the worst thing a person can do. We stuff our anger and even hatred so far down inside of us we no longer seem to feel the pain.

That may be true to our conscious mind but it just brews and festers below the surface. We seem fine on the outside, but beneath is festering rot.Then comes a time when you can no longer talk things out. That person is gone and all is left is a nagging sense of shame and guilt for not acting sooner, or if that rot has progressed - you are glad that person has gone.

During these past couple of years it seems that many people I know have died. Maybe it is because I am an old man and my peer group is just getting smaller by attrition. But since I am an old man, I have learned a few things.

There is an interesting story at the beginning of John 8:

John 8:1-11 (MSG)

To Throw The Stone

"Jesus went across to the Mount of Olives, but he was soon back in the Temple again. Swarms of people came to him. He sat down and taught them. The religion scholars and the Pharisees led in a woman who had been caught in an act of adultery. They stood her in plain sight of everyone and said,

"Teacher, this woman was caught red-handed in the act of adultery. Moses, in the Law, gives orders to stone such persons. What do you say?"

They were trying to trap him into saying something incriminating so they could bring some charges against him.

Jesus bent down and wrote with his finger in the dirt. They kept at him, badgering him. He straightened up and said,

"The sinless one among you, go first: Throw the stone."

Bending down again, he wrote some more in the dirt.

Hearing that, they walked away, one after another, 

beginning with the oldest.

The woman was left alone.

Jesus stood up and spoke to her,

"Woman, where are they? Does no one condemn you?"

"No one, Master"

"Neither do I," said Jesus

"Go on your way. From now on, don't sin"

Did you catch those who walked away first? It was the oldest in the crowd. There is something that comes with age - knowing you are not always on the right side. With age, through the lenses of our own personal failures and pain, you realize that life is not as simple as it was in your 20's. In my 20's, 30's and even in my 40's I had all the answers. Now as I approach the sunset of my life, I see the questions I overlooked in my youth.

In my pursuit of the truth I had made the Bible into a rule book that I could use to order my life - and often times, order the lives of others. Now I look at the Bible in its entirety, I see a symphony or a dance that God has created to help us live, love and get along with one another in this world.

I don't know if you noticed they only brought the woman before Jesus. I always thought it took two people to commit adultery. Not to justify adultery, but what were the circumstances? Where was the guy? Was he in the crowd holding a stone? Was she set up to be a pawn? I assume Jesus understood the game that was going on. Many have wondered what he was writing in the dirt, I think he was bored with the entire spectacle and sickened by their religious hypocrisy. I imagine him doodling.

Now back to the topic at hand, Are there people in your life you are angry with? Have you hurt someone? Has someone hurt you? NOW is the time to straighten things out. I have spoken about my Father's abuse of me as a kid. I can also tell you that when my Dad passed away, we were on great terms. It wasn't my great ability to forgive or my compassionate heart. I had been touched by the grace of God. What caused me to do what I did came because I realized how much God had forgiven and accepted me.

My Dad was recovering from prostate surgery. (This is kind of gross) He hadn't had a bowel movement in three days and I was supposed to take him back to the hospital the next day. In the middle of the night the air in our house turned blue as I heard a string of profanity being shouted by my Father. I got up, and let's just say 'The dam broke". He was completely covered with excrement and VERY embarrassed. I pulled him into the bathroom and turned on the shower. I started removing his soiled pajamas, as he kept saying "No! No!" I got him into the shower and cleaned him up. He calmed down and was crying and said,

"After all I have done to you, how can you do this?". I just said, "Because you are my Dad."

From that point on, he was my Dad; we had a good relationship over the next three years until he passed away. I know there must be someone in your life you can reach out to. Whether you were the cause or the recipient - reconciliation is a good thing.


Peace,
~Al

STUCK

~This week's blog is a bit different. I am not offering advice, but seeking advice.~

I have often compared life to a journey down a road. It is a one way road and we come to various forks -- these are choices we make. Down this road I have made numerous choices over six decades. Some were good and wise, others were bad and stupid. I have walked with God and I have walked away from God. By His grace, I am back walking with him.

Last summer I started writing this blog to share my failures and successes in an attempt to be a Help in Time of Need. So far, I have had over 15,000 hits on my page from 6 continents and from countries I couldn't pick out on a map. I have corresponded with numerous readers and I hope I was of some help. I also just launched a webpage at, http://www.allachner.com . I still hope I can be of help to people who are hurting.

I have now come to a fork in the road. I have a good job, in this economy that is a blessing, yet I am drawn to be more involved in ministry. I would like to be able to teach, preach and listen to people on a daily basis. I am thankful to have an advanced degree in Theology, yet I work as a telecommunications engineer. I guess I am looking for a church or para-church organization that would want to reach out to the people who have left God or never have known God. An accepting body of believers that would allow me to minister from a position of brokenness and reconciliation. 

I will turn 60 in October, so my long term goals have become somewhat short term goals. Even though I love my job, I would like to know I did more than save people 50% on their phone bill.I am not asking for a job, but advice. Maybe this Internet thing is where God wants me, I don't know. I would just like some advice.

May God Richly Bless You,

Peace

~Al

DARKNESS

~Please Listen to my Short Introduction~

What do you do when you feel all of the depressing darkness around you? If you have spent any amount of time on this planet - you have screwed up. Yes, you can intellectually know that you are forgiven. You can know that you are doing your best to be at peace with those around you. Yet, in the midst of knowing those things, those mistakes and failures of the past have a tendency to pop up.

Darkness is a season. Darkness is Winter. It is a time to gather with those you love and feel the warmth of their love. Seasons are seasons, they pass. Knowing that it is just a season can help you know that Spring comes next. No matter how deep the Winter, it will eventually turn to Spring.

I get through darkness by getting up each day and I decide to put one foot in front of the other. Now you can stay in bed and have a royal "pity-party". Or you can get up and get on with your life. That is not an easy thing to do - every emotion in your mind is telling you to pull the blankets over your head. You have to make a conscious DECISION to get up. When you think that darkness will always be around, you have lost the battle. Albert Einstein theorized that there is no such thing as darkness, there is only the absence of light. There isn't enough darkness to extinguish one candle.

I shared my regrets that my kids do not share my faith. Yet, at the same time I am so thankful they are smart, critical thinkers. They have come out OK. They have faced divorce and even the death of their Mother. They are resilient and most importantly, they are young. When I step back and look at my regrets, I realize I am not being patient. I am not trusting the hand of God nor am I trusting my kids.

Darkness is a trickster. It makes you think that it is the only game in town. Darkness may have a hold of you right now. It is saying all is lost, you have failed -- give up! It is trying to mask all of the things in your life that are good. Even at the worst of times there are still things to be thankful. Go back to a time in your life where you actually felt the happiest you have ever felt. Picture that time in your life, see if you can even feel the emotions you felt then. Now focus on that time and only think of that. If you practice, you will start to feel those same happy emotions. When the darkness starts to wash over you, go back to that memory of happiness. One of the things I think about is hearing my kids laughing. There is no better sound to my ears than the laughter of children.

If you are a parent or are in a relationship - you have made mistakes. You also did some great things. Life isn't all or nothing. It is a lifetime that goes through season after season. Yes, Winter is here, but Spring is coming.

I hope you can see the beauty of seasons changing. All of the season we pass through are essential for us to become what God wants us to be.

Peace

~Al

HURT

~ This is one of the most moving songs I have ever heard. ~

I heard of yet another death this week, not a relative but a co-worker's family member. 2011 was a tough year for death in our family. I am at that age where I seem to know more people who are passing away than are getting married or having babies. I was talking with my son, Nathan, about this and told him, 

"When you have more days behind you than in front of you, 

you seem to reevaluate life."

So, as I sit and look at life I realize that hurt and pain comes in many forms. We do feel the sting when someone we love passes. We attempt to reassemble our lives and go on. If we are people of faith, we know that this life is temporary and a greater life awaits us on the other side of death. 

However, in many ways that is a pain that fades over time. When we are hurt by a person or an institution, we are left with not only hurt but a gaping hole in our ability to trust. We are hesitant to trust people around us. 

I know people who had some sort of conflict with someone years or even decades ago. Even after all this time they still carry within themselves the pain as if it were still happening. All it takes to bring it to the surface is a random memory or some other trigger. When at the surface, it is as though it was happening all over again. Military families see something similar to this when a loved one comes home from a war zone. Psychologists call this Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome or PTSD.  Many people today are still wounded by some pain or hurt and are haunted by a form of PTSD.

Over my life I have had my share of hurt and pain, in my humble opinion, more than my fair share. I was trapped in the ever spiraling descent into hatred. When I heard that something horrible had happened to one of the people who hurt me - I was glad. Then, I heard the person who had hurt me more deeply than words can describe was diagnosed with ALS. Surprisingly, I was not glad, I started crying. I made the call to my ex-wife and apologized for anything I had done to hurt her and she did the same. I truly believe God touched my heart. All of the bitterness and hatred for her was gone. Along with her husband and our two children I spent much of late 2010 and early 2011 at her bedside. When she passed away in May of 2011, her husband and I sat on each side of her deathbed holding one of her hands. Since that time I have tried to rebuild relationships that were broken. Was the hatred worth it? - NO!

This carried over to me attempting to heal relationships that I had caused the hurt. Again, to my surprise, I found that to be the more difficult. When you have hurt someone, going to them and asking for their forgiveness is a difficult task. My tongue is a very effective weapon. I have used words as weapons for years. I was always very good at removing the issue from the argument turning it into a personal attack on the person with whom I was arguing.

I remember the old preacher story about the farmer, Josephine shared it with me this morning.

There once was a boy who had a bad temper.

His father gave him a bag of nails and told him that every time he 

lost his temper, he must hammer a nail into the back of the fence.

The first day the boy has driven 37 nails into the fence,

Over the next few weeks, as he learned to control his anger,

the number of nails he used began to dwindle down.

He discovered it was easier to hold his temper than to drive

the nails into the fence. Finally the day came when the 

boy did not lose his temper at all. He told his father about it, and

the father suggested that the boy now pull out one nail for each

day that he was able to hold his temper.

The days passed and the young boy was finally able to tell his father

that all the nails were gone. The father took his son by the hand

and led him to the fence. He said, "You have done well my son,

but look at the holes in the fence. The fence will never be the same.

When you say things in anger, they leave a scar just like this one.

You can put a knife in a man and draw it out. It will not matter how 

many times you say you are sorry, the wound is still there."

A verbal wound can, more often than not,

cut deeper than a physical wound.

I truly believe that the only way a person can be healed from these wounds is by the touch of God. Jesus continually told his disciples to forgive as God has forgiven you. In Jeremiah 31:34b, Yahweh says,

"For I will forgive their wickedness

and remember their sins no more"

I can still remember things that have hurt me, but the pain is gone. It is over, it was in the past and I know it is over. I don't have to relive that pain over and over again - that is gone. Yes, the wounds are still there, but they are just scars that have helped to shape me into the person I am today.

I am reminded of King David. He saw a man's wife bathing and sent for her. Being the King, he could have anything he wanted. He committed adultery with her, plotted her husband's death and eventually married her. As he was convicted of his sin by the Prophet Nathan, he wrote the 51st Psalm. You might read it. I am particularly moved by verse 4.

"Against you, you only, have I sinned

and done what is evil in your sight"

Ask God to help you forgive. Ask God to help you to seek the forgiveness of those you have hurt. God knows you better than you know yourself and he knows that this kind of pain and hurt destroys people on both sides of this equation. 

Peace,

~Al

Below is a song made famous by Leonard Cohen. Listen to the words about David.

I am available to speak at churches and groups, I can be contacted at al.lachner@gmail.com

PEACE

Peace - I grew up near Berkeley, California and was a late teen during 60's. Peace symbols, tie died shirts and peace signs were prolific. As most things I believed at eighteen, my mind has matured and I now KNOW what peace means. Peace is almost a mistranslation  to convey the Greek word - eirene. The more accurate translation is "Harmony" or "Serenity". If you are lucky enough to be named Irene, your name means harmony.

Over the past few weeks, I have been talking about the fruit of the Spirit. In Galatians 5:22-23, Paul talks about what should be the by-product of our faith. I would like to share these verses from a translation by Eugene Peterson entitled, The Message:

"But what happens when we live God's way?

He brings gifts into our lives,

much the same way that fruit appears in an orchard --

things like affection for others, 

exuberance about life,

serenity.

We develop a willingness to stick with things,

a sense of compassion in the heart,

and a conviction that a basic holiness permeates things and people.

We find ourselves in loyal commitments,

not needing to force our way in life,

able to marshal and direct our energies wisely."

Peace is one of those listed, Peterson translates it serenity. Eirene is not a passive concept or an absence of conflict. Rather, it is active and it drives people to find common ground. It comes from within us and drives us to be at harmony in our relationships, environment and ourselves. When faced with conflict or pain, it is serenity. The song below was written in the midst of unbelievable loss, yet it begins with the words: 

"When peace like a river attendeth my way,

When sorrows like sea billows roll,

Whatever my lot,

Thou has taught me to say,

It is well with my soul"

~PLEASE LISTEN AND HEAR THE STORY TO THIS HYMN~

His response sums up the concept of peace. We have talked about forgiveness, joy, love, faith and many other parts of a relationship with God. Peace, or that inner harmony, like joy is what sustains us. There is nothing the world can throw in our path to derail us. Pray that God can bring harmony to your life, an inner contentment. Then share that peace with those whom you come in contact.

Peace,

~Al

~I am available to speak to churches and groups, 

Please contact me at al.lachner@gmail.com~