ALONE

~In December of 2013 my wife, Josephine, went off of her medication and suffered from an apparent psychotic break.

After sending out horrible emails about me and other hurtful things -- 

She Left.

I have no idea where she is or even if she is still alive.

The pain I have suffered has been horrendous.

I am writing this because I want to get out what is bottled up inside of me.

The song below is one of the most beautiful songs I have heard.

It also communicates where my heart is right now.~

As a person who was abandoned by my mother at six weeks of age, abandonment is a very fearful thing for me. As I sit in this house alone I constantly see things that remind me of Josephine. After almost twenty years of sharing, defending and loving a person -- the silence is deafening. My children are now adults and I am just an old man who is left with memories. I guess I am sharing this because I want you to know that I am a broken person, as are you. Just because I am a person who is seen as a person with answers, doesn't mean I do not experience the pain that others do.

What I will say is I have heard a phrase over and over from people,

"God will not allow you to face more than you can handle."

I thought I would take a minute and explain where that quote has its origins and why it is not true. This is a misquotation of 1 Corinthians 10:13, which actually says:

"No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man.

God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability,

but with the temptation he will also provide

the way to escape, 

that you may be able to endure it." (ESV)

Now, not to be cruel to people who are trying to help and are at a loss for words, this passage is talking about temptation not when your whole world collapses around you. It also makes the person who is suffering want to say, 

"I am at my wits end and I really cannot endure this. Why is God punishing me?"

I believe another passage is helpful, at least it is to me. Jesus knew we would be faced with troubles. The Christians of the first century faced persecution so intense that it would often cost them their lives. He knew that in this world we would face troubles. Often times, they are more than we can bear. So, during this time in my life, I have found my faith increased and my prayer life energized. I know this is more than I can handle! I throw myself on the faith and mercy of Jesus. His words are here to be a source of comfort.

"Come to me, all who are weary and heavy laden,

and I will  give you rest.

Take my yoke upon you,

and learn from me,

for I am gentile and lowly in heart,

and you will find rest for your souls.

For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light"

(Matthew 11:28-30 - ESV)

I am not trying to give you a pie-in-the-sky  response to suffering. I am saying, that for me, the only place I have left to turn is my faith in Jesus Christ.

I have no idea where this path will lead, but I do know who is with me.

Thank you for your time.

Grace

~Al

THE GOSPEL ACCORDING TO CHOCOLAT

~ I watched a very cute movie, Chocolat, and I thought I would share its message today. It is a short video clip but worth it.~

At the end of the movie, a young priest stands up to give his Easter Sunday homily. Throughout the movie many changes have happened and he addresses what he has learned since the beginning of Lent.

In the movie Chocolat a small village has lived for hundreds of years in peace. Villagers went about their daily activities in quietness with much of their lives revolving around the local Catholic Parish. The leader of the  village is utterly appalled that a newcomer, a woman, would open a Chocolate Shop at the very beginning of Lent.

This movie might strike a chord with anyone who has experienced "church-life." Unfortunately, many people embrace a form of Christianity that is merely a list of do's and don'ts. They pride themselves on how much they have avoided sin in their lives. 

There is a story told by Jesus that sheds some light on this very issue:

The Story of the Tax Man

and the Pharisee

LUKE 18:9-14 (The Message - a translation by Eugene Peterson)

"He told his next story to some who were

complacently pleased with themselves over their

moral performance and 

looked down their noses at the common people:

'Two men went up to the Temple to pray, one a Pharisee, the other a tax man.

The Pharisee posed and prayed like this:

Oh, God, I thank you that I am not like other people

-- robbers, crooks, adulterers, or heaven forbid, like

this tax man. I fast twice a week and tithe on all my income.

Meanwhile, the tax man, slumped in the shadows,

his face in his hands, not daring to look up, said

God, give mercy. Forgive me, a sinner.'

Jesus commented

'This tax man, NOT the other,

went home right with God.

If you walk around with your nose in the air,

you're going to end up flat on your face,

but if you're content to simply be yourself,

you will become MORE than yourself.'"

Things haven't changed much in the last 2,000 years. This pious attitude, in my experience, has two fruits. First, people who mess up are known by their misstep or assumed misstep. 

"Oh, yes, she was Divorced."

"I think he might be gay."

"He had an affair."

"She drinks too much."

"Their kid is on drugs."

"I heard they are having 'trouble at home'."

These people become known by the labels we ascribe to them. Individuals are not viewed as a children of God, nor as an instrument through which God can work. Instead they are judged on their PAST, not their POTENTIAL.

The second fruit of this attitude is far more damning. Admission or the confession of a struggle, weakness or sin becomes fodder for church gossip or what some people justify as "sanctified gossip." Sanctified or not, it is gossip, it is sin, and DESTROYs and pollutes the Church of God.  Not wanting to become the latest topic of gossip, we need to HIDE our missteps, thus becoming a part of the sterile veneer that fills our churches. The church has become a hotel for hypocrites rather than a hospital for the hurting. Confession is rare. Asking for help is avoided. Yet sin is still occurring:

• How many Christians are addicted to pornography?
• How many inappropriate relationships do Christians have on Facebook?
• How many women are a punching bag for an abusive husband?
• How many of our young people are involved in sexual immorality?
• How many Christians are racists?
• How many are abusing prescription drugs? 

Yet on Sunday morning, we camoflage our own struggles, pain and sin with that nice "Christian Veneer." The shallowness of this kind of Christianity is causing our kids to leave the church in droves.

They see the hypocrisy, and quite frankly, want no part of it.

I think here again we should look to Jesus. As Paul puts it in Philippians 2:1-8, we will again use The Message:

"If you've gotten anything at all out of following Christ,

if his love has made any difference in your life,

if being in a community of the Spirit 

means anything to you,

if you have heart, 

if you care 

-- then do me a favor:

Agree with each other,

love each other,

be deep spirited friends.

Don't push your way to the front;

don't sweet-talk your way to the top.

Put yourself aside,

help OTHERS get ahead.

Don't be obsessed with getting your own advantage.

Forget about yourselves long enough

to lend a helping hand.

Think of yourselves the way Christ Jesus thought

of himself.

He had equal status with God but didn't think so much

of himself that he had to cling to those advantages

no matter what. NOT AT ALL.

When the time came, he set aside the privileges 

of deity and took on the status of a slave,

became human!

Having become human, he stayed human.

It was an incredibly humbling process.

He didn't claim special privileges.

Instead, he lived a selfless, obedient life and then died

a selfless, obedient death

-- and the worst kind of death at that - a crucifixion.

Isn't it ironic that the self-righteous went about with their chests stuck out and their noses in the air, yet the one who had every right to do that, Jesus, became a servant.

Please, God. Forgive our stupidity, bigotry and self-reliance. Help us to see ourselves as you see us. More importantly, please help us to see others as you see them. Give us the courage to confess our struggles and sins to one another. God, please stop the rampant gossip, judgment and maligning that has polluted your church. God we ask that your Spirit will create in us new hearts that see the brokenness in this world and cause us to weep and pray for this fallen world. We ask, Father, to be your instruments to help heal the brokenhearted. In the name of your Son Jesus - Amen

Peace

~Al

BROKEN PEOPLE

~ Please Listen to This Song. There Too Many People Who Only See This as an Option~

As many of you know, I have been preaching on a fairly regular basis (not as regularly as I would like) at the Tammany Oaks Church of Christ in Mandeville, LA. In a discussion with one of the elders, he commented that people who I have met that were not church people -- liked me. I asked him how he felt about that. His response, laughingly (He was kidding), was he was concerned about that. So I said, those were the people Jesus spent his time with. In fact, if you were to make two columns; on one side Jesus's interaction with "those people" and the second, the Religious establishment's response to Jesus' actions or comments. Which column best describes most of our churches? Aside from the legalism and self-righteousness of the Pharisees and Priests -- they couldn't speak the language of broken people. 

I was raised in an alcoholic home, that has its own baggage. One of my earliest memories was my Dad taking me out. He said it was a surprise, it was - a bar. I remember I was little and he was going to let me play pool. That translated into him putting a coin in the pool table and putting the balls on top. He then lifted my up and I spent a long time rolling the balls around and he would resupply the table with coins. All the time I was playing he was getting shovel-faced at the bar. I remember growing up with my "Mom" passed out and me heating a TV Dinner and watching TV until the channels signed off, (Yes, they used to do that). I grew up on the streets around gang members, bikers, druggies, winos and just the general throw aways from our society.

So, when I became a Christian, a great deal of that baggage came with me. I tried my best to fit in. I would overhear the other young people, in the youth group, talking about going out for pizza, I would not get the invitation. So, I would just show up and act surprised. I had to FIGHT my way into our youth group. I knew I wasn't like them and they knew it too. I had been a violent teen and we didn't speak the same language. They had what I called, "Leave it to Beaver Homes". ( I had no idea of the dysfunction and family "secrets" that even plague those homes). I had no idea what it was like to come from a normal home. As a Christian, I failed over and over in ministry and with my family. It wasn't until I met a man named Lynn Anderson who taught me about the grace of God. Even through my failures, he was still there. He said I reminded him of King David. David messed up royally (really bad pun) but he "had a heart after God's own heart".

So now back to my affinity for the brokenness  Matthew writes these words about Jesus:

"When he saw the crowds, 

he had compassion for them,

because they were harassed and helpless,

like sheep without a shepherd."

(Matthew 9:36 - ESV)

I guess I understand why non-believers view Christians as having nothing to offer them. When I am talking to a person who does not share my faith -- I listen. I listen to their story and I listen to their happiness and pain. I have NO judgment in my heart toward them. For many, having a group of people who will love and accept them is all they want. That is why so many just hang out in bars. Remember the line in the theme song from the sitcom Cheers? 

"Making your way in the world today 

takes everything you've got.

Taking a break from all your worries,

sure would help a lot

Wouldn't you like to get away?

Sometimes you want to go

Where everybody knows your name,

and they're always glad you came.

You wanna be where you can see,

our troubles are all the same.

You wanna be where everybody knows your name.

You wanna go where people know,

people are all the same.

You wanna go where everybody knows your name.

That is the lie of bars, they just continue to equip people's addictions and they fall further and further into darkness. One the other hand, if I can persuade them to come to a group, class, meal or assembly - I pray they will feel accepted. If they stick around they will have questions about Jesus. Then it is time to share his grace with them. Too many Christians want to start right in quoting Scripture, most broken people are not ready for that -- it is a foreign language to them. They really are looking for belonging. If we can just love these people and be there to listen and allow God to open their hearts, they will follow Jesus. I think, since I have had so many personal failures in my own life, and being a broken person, I am a little bit more patient with people coming to faith. This is the start to fixing our churches.

Please pray daily for those you may know who do not know the Lord.

Peace

~Al

LIVING YEARS

~ This Song Came on the Radio and it Touched Me. ~

I come in contact with so many people who have been hurt or alienated from a parent, friend or sibling. Often times there can be decades between any type of communication. In my own life, as a survivor of various types of abuse, I close a door in my mind on that person. I guess I got that from my Dad. He was a very "compartmentalized" man. He could seal off emotions, feelings and even memories that he chose to forget. I know now that is probably the worst thing a person can do. We stuff our anger and even hatred so far down inside of us we no longer seem to feel the pain.

That may be true to our conscious mind but it just brews and festers below the surface. We seem fine on the outside, but beneath is festering rot.Then comes a time when you can no longer talk things out. That person is gone and all is left is a nagging sense of shame and guilt for not acting sooner, or if that rot has progressed - you are glad that person has gone.

During these past couple of years it seems that many people I know have died. Maybe it is because I am an old man and my peer group is just getting smaller by attrition. But since I am an old man, I have learned a few things.

There is an interesting story at the beginning of John 8:

John 8:1-11 (MSG)

To Throw The Stone

"Jesus went across to the Mount of Olives, but he was soon back in the Temple again. Swarms of people came to him. He sat down and taught them. The religion scholars and the Pharisees led in a woman who had been caught in an act of adultery. They stood her in plain sight of everyone and said,

"Teacher, this woman was caught red-handed in the act of adultery. Moses, in the Law, gives orders to stone such persons. What do you say?"

They were trying to trap him into saying something incriminating so they could bring some charges against him.

Jesus bent down and wrote with his finger in the dirt. They kept at him, badgering him. He straightened up and said,

"The sinless one among you, go first: Throw the stone."

Bending down again, he wrote some more in the dirt.

Hearing that, they walked away, one after another, 

beginning with the oldest.

The woman was left alone.

Jesus stood up and spoke to her,

"Woman, where are they? Does no one condemn you?"

"No one, Master"

"Neither do I," said Jesus

"Go on your way. From now on, don't sin"

Did you catch those who walked away first? It was the oldest in the crowd. There is something that comes with age - knowing you are not always on the right side. With age, through the lenses of our own personal failures and pain, you realize that life is not as simple as it was in your 20's. In my 20's, 30's and even in my 40's I had all the answers. Now as I approach the sunset of my life, I see the questions I overlooked in my youth.

In my pursuit of the truth I had made the Bible into a rule book that I could use to order my life - and often times, order the lives of others. Now I look at the Bible in its entirety, I see a symphony or a dance that God has created to help us live, love and get along with one another in this world.

I don't know if you noticed they only brought the woman before Jesus. I always thought it took two people to commit adultery. Not to justify adultery, but what were the circumstances? Where was the guy? Was he in the crowd holding a stone? Was she set up to be a pawn? I assume Jesus understood the game that was going on. Many have wondered what he was writing in the dirt, I think he was bored with the entire spectacle and sickened by their religious hypocrisy. I imagine him doodling.

Now back to the topic at hand, Are there people in your life you are angry with? Have you hurt someone? Has someone hurt you? NOW is the time to straighten things out. I have spoken about my Father's abuse of me as a kid. I can also tell you that when my Dad passed away, we were on great terms. It wasn't my great ability to forgive or my compassionate heart. I had been touched by the grace of God. What caused me to do what I did came because I realized how much God had forgiven and accepted me.

My Dad was recovering from prostate surgery. (This is kind of gross) He hadn't had a bowel movement in three days and I was supposed to take him back to the hospital the next day. In the middle of the night the air in our house turned blue as I heard a string of profanity being shouted by my Father. I got up, and let's just say 'The dam broke". He was completely covered with excrement and VERY embarrassed. I pulled him into the bathroom and turned on the shower. I started removing his soiled pajamas, as he kept saying "No! No!" I got him into the shower and cleaned him up. He calmed down and was crying and said,

"After all I have done to you, how can you do this?". I just said, "Because you are my Dad."

From that point on, he was my Dad; we had a good relationship over the next three years until he passed away. I know there must be someone in your life you can reach out to. Whether you were the cause or the recipient - reconciliation is a good thing.


Peace,
~Al

LISTEN

~Please Give This Song a Listen~

STOP WHAT YOU ARE DOING RIGHT NOW! PAUSE, BE STILL AND LISTEN. 

For those of us in the West, that is a difficult task. Listening has become a lost art in our culture. We are constantly bombarded by noise and distractions. We have radios, TV's, the Internet, cell phones, email, texts and relationships. The closest we often come to listening to someone is when they are talking, and we are thinking of what we are going to say. We are so consumed by what is happening around us that we often miss what is going on around us. Their is an old adage, "God gave you two ears and one mouth - use them proportionally". 

Back during the days of the Marriage Enrichment Seminars, they would have couples write out their feelings to each other. The reason behind this exercise was to allow a person to completely express their feelings without interruption. As you would read what was being said to you, in a separate room, you were not allowed to stop and get defensive, argue or roll your eyes. It was a method of getting people to listen to what the other person was trying to communicate with you. Many people came away from this experience, even after decades of marriage, saying, "I had no idea you felt that way".

My guess is that if we could stop and listen, we would realize how much we are missing. Those who know me, know I am actually an introvert. When I am in front of a crowd I am animated and very extroverted, yet I am a very solitary person. In groups I will often sit back, listen and watch. Coming from such an abusive family, I learned very early how to read emotions in people. Those who survived those environments picked that skill up early in life. I have come to realize that, for the most part, people are more concerned with talking and getting their point across than hearing what another person has to say. This is destroying marriages, relationships with parents and children, relationships in general, work conditions and even countries. We just don't listen anymore!

It also affects us as individuals. We have so much going on that we are often stressed out of our minds. As I said earlier, we are bombarded. There is no "off" switch to stop the noise. When people are talking with us, we have trouble staying focused. Our minds are filled with politics, taxes, house payments, wars and rumors of wars. The video above was put together for the people of Haiti that was devastated by one of the largest earthquakes ever recorded. We heard the headline, but it was drowned out by the hundreds or thousands of other things bombarding our minds. In the midst of all of this clutter, we may have missed our spouse trying to express the pain they are feeling. We may have missed a child saying they wished you could be around more. Maybe we missed the still quiet voice of God asking us to slow down.  

I know that suggesting another thing be added to your schedule is insane. I would suggest that you try at least one or two of the following:

1. Set aside a few minutes each day for quiet.
2. When talking with another person, actually listen to what they are saying. Don't be thinking of what your are going to say back to them.
3. Take a step back from Social Media. No one cares if you post "like" to a comment.
4. If you have kids, listen to them. Ask them how they are feeling.
5. Try an not get sucked into our consumer driven society - be thankful for what you already have.
6. Actually spend time talking and listening to that significant person in your life.
7. You don't have to be an authority on every current event happening on the planet.
8. Spend some time listening to God.

Maybe this is the best advice:

"Be still and know that I am God..."

(Psalm 46:10)

Or you can this route:

Peace
~Al

Namaste: Acknowledge the Beauty Around You in 2012

~Please watch this video, it will brighten your day~

I would like to thank Michael Schwalm for sharing this beautiful video with me. We are about to journey into a new year, a year that will bring beauty to those who seek it. To those who choose to squander all or some of those 365 days, they will miss beauty. I know there is a great deal to be concerned or frightened about. The economy is still broken, as I write, the Iranian Navy and the U.S. Navy's 5th Fleet are sparing in the Strait of Hormuz. According to the Mayan Calender, 2012 will be the last year we will be around. I don't believe that to be true, but imagine if it was. How would you live your last year, month or day?  Would your end times be filled with fear or beauty, wonder and gratitude?

We all seem to try and make resolutions for the new year. I have a suggestion--look for beauty. Look for beauty in the faces you see, the clouds above us, the touch of a loved one. Beyond that look for love. At the beginning of one of my favorite movies, Love Actually, (Yes, I know it is a chick flick), it starts at the arrival gate at Heathrow Airport in London. In many ways Hugh Grant says what I am attempting to communicate:

2012 gives each of us a choice on how to move forward. I would suggest that we live 2012 as if it is going to be our last year. Relationships need to be mended, children need more hugs - as do we all and maybe make yourself a "2012 Bucket List". Who do you wish you could apologize to? Who do you need to forgive? Who do you need to love? All of us have an intrinsic need to love and be loved. If this was your last time around the Sun, what would be on your "2012 Bucket List"? http://www.amazon.com/Bucket-List-Jack-Nicholson/dp/B000YAF4MA/ref=sr_1_1?s=movies-tv&ie=UTF8&qid=1325459357&sr=1-1

Lynn Anderson, who has done so much to shape my view of the world, posted his list on Facebook:

"Lord, 2012 is almost here. I have no idea what it will bring.

But it is in your gracious hands, so I am willing...

- To receive what you give

- To lack what you withhold

- To relinquish what you take

- To suffer what you inflict

- To be what you require"

I believe what God requires is that we start to see the world and the people we come in contact as He does. We need to strive to find beauty and love. Embrace it with unencumbered gratitude. Then share that beauty and love. Paul put it this way:

"Finally, brothers, 

whatever is true,

whatever is noble,

whatever is right,

whatever is pure,

whatever is lovely,

whatever is admirable 

--if anything is excellent or praiseworthy

--think about such things"

Philippians 4:8 - (NIV)

So, as we face 2012 together, let us face it looking for beauty and love.

Peace

~Al