A beautiful prayer that comes from a heart with groaning too deep for words.
To recognize the darkness that is eclipsing my life,
to pray for the light of the Father to dawn again.
To feel weakness that robs even my body from endurance,
to pray that El Shaddai will renew my strength.
To feel the brokenness that reaches to the very marrow of my bones,
to pray that the Comforter will reconstruct what has been broken.
To see and feel the bruises that have been left on my soul,
to pray that the Great Physician will restore my heart.
To be so sick at heart that life has lost meaning,
to pray the the Father of Mercies will be the light at the end of this long and dismal tunnel.
That He will give strength to my weariness,
replace my weakness with power.
That He will empower me to soar on wings like eagles;
to run and not grow weary and to walk and not faint.
A simple posting on Facebook that spoke volumes to my torn heart. I have touched the bottom and it is sound. He has not abandoned me to yet another wasteland.
I started writing this blog a little over a year ago. I have shared intimate stories that some were shocked to hear. I have been open about the failures and successes in my own life and the church in general. Today I have been reading from a book by Jim McGuiggan and was puled back to the foundations of my faith. A faith, I believe has been long forgotten and possibly even neglected by many of us. It is a simple response to a still quiet voice that calls to us in our suffering and calls us back to what is truly important.
Here is a quote from Jim's book, Jesus, Hero of Thy Soul:
"Only Jesus could give himself to all without pandering.
Only he could treat us as individuals while insisting that we belong to one another.
Only he could forgive us fully, freely, gladly -- but without
dishonoring us or weakening our resolve for righteousness.
Having seen Jesus, knowing how he has lived his life here, we can't settle for less than a genuine pursuit of his likeness. His very presence among us forbids us to settle for just being "nice" people who do "nice" things.
(The bland leading the bland and both falling into a "nice" rut.)
"I am sick of the literature that reduces the Christian life into quiet times, fixed grins, happy talk and saccharine songs.
I am tired of writers and speakers who indulge our whimpering and whining, who prescribe endless therapy for problems we wouldn't have if we weren't so outrageously self-centered, who encourage us to feather our own already fairly comfortable nests while oohing and aahing over our inconveniences as if they were crucifixions.
"I am sick, too, of scholarly literature that pours scorn on the people of God, judging them as nothing but self-serving hypocrites who either worship themselves or a petrified faith that should have been discarded centuries ago.
These wise men for whom, I suspect, life has become sour and boring, rip away at the foundations of the Christian faith, leaving disciples unsure of who they are and what direction they should go. What has the appearance of bold scholarship has no upward call and no sure message. Rather, it's the bored and peevish ramblings of academics who have lost their way.
"Finally, I'm one of a great multitude who are sick of themselves! But not so sick that we don't know who we are and whose we are. Not so sick that we can't see the glory of the biblical Christ, can't feel the magnetism of his person and the wholesome rebuke of his life, can't recognize our hunger for something more glorious as the work of God in us.
"No, in spite of our human limitations, we see the Christ out in front of us, calling us onward and upward.
We are determined, with blood-red earnestness, to live heroically for God and the world he so loves that he gave his son." pp.4-5
In the 2,000 or so years since Jesus walked this earth, sharing a simple message, people have devoted their lives to making it more complicated, political or even palatable. His message was simple:
"Do unto others as you would have others do unto you."
The only reason I can see that message getting distorted is - WE DON'T WANT TO. Jesus and the writers of the New Testament left this message in its barest essence -- live like Jesus did, treat people as Jesus did, help people as Jesus did, forgive people as Jesus did and love people as Jesus did. I am no scholar, but I can easily say that sums up the message of Christianity. It is not summed up by how doctrinally "pure" we are. How well we dress when attending Sunday services. Who has the best worship team or the fanciest building or who can claim the most piety. It is simply, do you look to Jesus the author and perfecter of your faith? And if so, do you treat people like he did? As for me, I pray that I can see this simple response to the gift of God in my life.
Of all of the Rocky movies, my favorites were the last and the first. Everyone remembers the story of, Rocky, the underdog who gets his big break and meet Apollo Creed in the ring. We cheered when The Rocky Theme was played. Rocky calling for Adrianne after the fight - "Adrienne, I did it!". The final movie, Rocky Balboa, had the hero well past his prime. A man who had buried the love of his life, Adrienne. The Rocky Theme would play softly and very slowly as we watched Rocky sit at the graveside of Adrienne in a wooden chair - and talk to her. In the last movie, Rocky is a has-been with brain damage and he is alienated from his son. He has been to the mountaintop and now is back in the valley. He is a lonely -- BUT NOT A BROKEN man!
The scene below is, in my opinion, one of the greatest scenes I have seen in any movie:
"Let me tell you something you already know. The world ain't all sunshine and rainbows. It is a very mean and nasty place and I don't care how tough you are, it will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it. You, me, or nobody is gonna hit as hard as life...
But it ain't about how hard you hit; it's about how hard you can get hit, and keep moving forward. . It's How much you can take, and keep moving forward. That's how winning is done...
Now, if you know what you're worth, then go out and get what you're worth. But you gotta be willing to take the hits, and not point fingers and blame other people. Cowards do that and that ain't you. You're better than that!..!!!"
This movie had a huge impact on me because what was said was so true in my own life. " Its not how hard you hit, but how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward." I think most of us have had our fair share of hits. How we respond to those hits determines if we choose to be a "victim" or a "victor". I have had some hits in my life that I thought would knock me out of the game. Honestly, my initial defensive response was to blame the situation or other people or a person in general; then I came to realize that it was my choice that caused it. I am not saying that there cannot be outside influences, but there comes a time when you have to say to yourself,
"OK, that sucked and it really hurt me - DEAL WITH IT!"
I know many people who are clinging to past pain or even past successes that have long ago gone away. In many cases losing success is one of the hardest. When I went through my divorce I had a successful Mortgage Banking company, (that was before they became the pariahs of our society), I went from making mid six-figures to nothing. The next year my gross salary was $27,000. My family was shattered, I was alone, I had lawsuits against me, I was in bankruptcy and foreclosure. I even had the District Attorney's Office deposing me to see if I had done anything that warranted prosecution. Yet, through the grace of God - I survived.
For me, it felt like I had hornets swirling around my head. It seemed that wherever I turned there was another attack - I was completely overwhelmed. I sat down one night with a pad of paper and I wrote down all of the things that I was facing. I took the hardest ones first and made a list. I had decided I would fight them one at a time. I can handle one hornet better than a swarm. One by one I took them on, but with a constant gaze toward the future. It took years and it wasn't easy but by focusing on the future I was able to defeat the past. Now, I am not Superman, there were times I felt like ending it all with a bullet to the brain. Yet the drive to make it through the "Perfect Storm" in my life gave me that North Star to guide me.
For those of you in your own "Perfect Storm", all I can tell you is to look to the future. Dwelling in the past, whether success or hurt will keep you nailed in the past. You will never move forward, you will constantly blame others and most importantly you will NEVER heal. When Paul writes in Philippians 3 he is reflecting on all of his grand accomplishments:
"But whatever was to my profit, I now consider it loss
for the sake of Christ.
What is more, I consider everything a loss compared to
the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord,
for whose sake I have lost ALL things.
I consider them rubbish (Gk. Manure/dung, rotting food),
that I may gain Christ ....
But I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus
took hold of me.
But one thing I do:
Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead,
I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus."
(Philippians 3:7-8, 12b, 13b - NIV)
It is interesting that Paul uses a word for dung in referring to his past and present accomplishments. For Paul, his life is consumed in Jesus Christ. We should take comfort in knowing that although this world will beat you down, there is One who will lift you up. Look to the future and for help on its horizon.
Below is Rocky remembering a talk he had with his trainer Mickey. If nothing else -- Listen to the angel on your shoulder,
I thought I would assemble some quotes from Christian thinkers that can help facilitate a discussion of Postmodernism at - http://allachner.com/forum .
"Because we are commanded by God to form and reform culture, Christians have to be actively engaged with culture: studying it, discerning positive and negative aspects, and working to redeem it. We are to be in the world but not of it, working to restrain evil and advance redemptive potentials. We are called to be salt in the world, working to enrich culture and preserve life-affirming aspects. We are also called to be a light to show the way for cultural development, uncovering and disentangling forces for good and evil, and redirecting unhealthy or destructive patterns toward principles in line with loving god and serving our neighbor. And the culture we are called to form and reform, to move toward redemption, includes even popular culture." William Romanowski
"Each generation of the church in each setting has the responsibility of communicating the gospel in understandable terms, considering the language and thought-forms of that setting." Francis Schaeffer
"Traditional Christian teaching has been otherworldly in its emphasis. It has had more to say about how to accept failure than about how to succeed, more about suffering than about action. Theology has been the preserve of those who minister as priests and pastors to the inner spiritual life of their people. Consequently, when theologians whose whole work is in this pastoral ministry try to speak about matters of politics and economics, their words do not carry weight." Lesslie Newbigin
In 1968 Francis Schaffer wrote these words. They are strangely prophetic:
The God Who Is There
"Men are facing a society without structure and they want to fill the void that has appeared. For a long time Reformation ideas formed the basis of North European culture, and this extended to include that of America and English-speaking Canada, etc. But today that has been destroyed by the relativism both inside [82] and outside the churches. Hence historic Christianity is now a minority group....
"Society cannot function without form and motivation. As the old sociological forms have been swept away, new ones must be found or society breaks down altogether. Sir Julian Huxley has stepped in at this point with his suggestion that religion has a real place in modern society. But, he would contend, it must be understood that religion is always evolving and that it needs to come under the control of society.
"This suggestion is not as ridiculous as it sounds, even coming from a convinced humanist, if one understands the mentality of our age. The prevailing dialectical methodology fits itself easily into religious forms.... "Teilhard de Chardin... illustrates that the progressive Roman Catholic theologians are further away from historic Reformation Christianity than classical Roman Catholicism, because they are alsodialectical thinkers.
"The orthodox Roman Catholic would tell me that I am bound for hell because I reject the true Church. He is dealing with a concept of absolute truth. But the new Roman Catholic who sits at my fireside says, ‘You are all right, Dr. Schaeffer, because you are so sincere.’ In the new Roman Catholicism such a statement usually means that the dialectical method has taken over.
Therefore we are not surprised to find that ... others such as Hans KUng have been strongly influenced by neo-orthodoxy. It is important to note that the position on Scripture by the Vatican Council has shifted in the same-direction and men such as Raymond Panikkar, Dom Bede Griffiths[close friend of C. S. Lewis]... are proclaiming a synthesis between Roman Catholicism and Hinduism." 83
"The time, therefore, does seem right for this new theology to give the needed sociological forms and motivations. It is true, of course, that society could look elsewhere amongst the secular mysticisms for a new evolving religion, but the new theology has some strong advantages. "Firstly, the undefined connotation words that they are using are deeply rooted in our Western culture. This is much easier and more powerful than using new and untraditional words. "Secondly, these men control almost every large denomination in Protestantism.... This gives them the advantage of functioning within the organisational stream of the Church, and thus both its organisation and linguistic continuity is at their disposal. "Thirdly, people in our culture in general are already in process of being accustomed to accept non-defined, contentless religious words and symbols, without any rational or historical control. Such words and symbols are ready to be filled with the content of the moment. The words ‘Jesus’ or ‘Christ’ are the most ready for the manipulator. The phrase ‘Jesus Christ’ has become a contentless banner which can be carried in any direction for sociological purposes.
"...because the phrase ‘Jesus Christ’ has been separated from true history and the content of Scripture, it can be used to trigger religiously motivated sociological actions directly contrary to the teaching of Christ.... It is against such manipulated semantic mysticism that we do very well to prepare ourselves, our children and our spiritual children." 84
~I Invite You to Listen to This Song Before Reading Below~
Broken or brokenness is an interesting concept.
It has two distinct aspects that are really intertwined and I hope to explain these in this week's blog.
Stick with me on this one.
Not far from my home there is an adoption center for wild horses. When someone adopts a wild horse, if they plan to ride it, it has to be broken. The military has a process called "Boot Camp", it's primary purpose is to break and rebuild new recruits. In the new "politically correct" version of boot camp, they have removed "break" from the vocabulary. However, both of these instances accomplish the same objective. They remove a previous behavior, or group of behaviors, and replace it/them with new behaviors. For the horse, it learns to channel its energy and power to be controlled by the owner, (sorry P.E.T.A.). In the military, it instills the need to work as a team or a unit. Isn't it interesting that the Army recently changed the recruiting ads to "An Army of One"?
As Americans, we have a problem with the this aspect of brokenness. We live in a culture that has become more and more selfish. We disguise this selfishness into "rugged individualism". Burger King says, "Have It Your Way." We want everything on our terms, built around a construct of our own selfish mold. If our needs aren't being met, we quit. We quit relationships, marriages, families, jobs, organizations, schools and whatever else does not meet our needs. The new motto for our culture should be "My Way or the Highway".
This idea has caused us to view everything in our lives with an underlying, "What's in it for me?" attitude. When we are faced with the teachings of Jesus, our culture is in diametric opposition to his world view. In Matthew 5, he says, "Blessed are the meek...". This word meek - prauscan also be translated as humble, gentile, open and receptive. Interestingly enough, the etymology of this word is associated with a horse that is under control - broken. The concept of dying to yourself is consistent throughout the New Testament. Jesus does not ask us to be selfish materialistic consumers trying to live in the upper echelons of society. He actually calls us to be selfless and to serve society. Paul sums up this attitude in Philippians 2, again from The Message a translation by Eugene Petersen:
"If you've gotten anything at all out of following Christ,
if his love has made a difference in your life,
if being in a community of the Spirit means anything to you,
if you have a heart, if you CARE -- then do me a favor:
Agree with each other,
love each other,
be deep-spirited friends.
Don't push your way to the front,
Don't sweet-talk your way to the top.
Put yourselves aside, and help others get ahead.
Don't be obsessed with getting your own advantage.
Forget yourselves long enough to lend a helping hand.
Think of yourselves the way Christ Jesus thought of himself.
He had equal status with God but did not think so much of himself that he had to cling to the advantages of that status no matter what.
Not at all.
When the time came, he set aside the privileges of deity
and took the status of a slave, became human!
Having become human, he stayed human.
It was an incredibly humbling process.
He didn't claim special privileges.
Instead, he lived a selfless, obedient life and
then died a selfless, obedient death
-- and the worst kind of death at that -- a crucifixion"
(Philippians 2: 1-8)
That is the first kind of brokenness. It is a brokenness from our selfish, American -- What's in it for me? -- attitude. The second type of brokenness has probably been felt by more of us than the previous.
I have spoken a great deal about the brokenness I have endured in my life. It is a shattering of what you believed, hoped and dreamed about your life. Everything is torn away from you and your life is laid bare. You see no way out. You can't trust anyone. You come to the realization that the deck life has dealt you, is stacked against you. Maybe a relationship has evaporated before your eyes. Maybe a group of people you trusted has betrayed your trust. Maybe death has come and took away a person you loved, and all you hear are pious platitudes. People have shared their stories with me. They have been stories of such intense pain, I wonder how they survived.
What I have learned through my life is surviving the second aspect of brokenness is dependent of the first aspect. Much of the time I spent in brokenness was spent in self pity. Instead of "What's in it for me?" it became, "Why is this happening to me?". The commonality in those two statements is "me". Yes, I have been in pain, I have experienced the end of relationships, I have experienced death of a loved one -- BUT, NEWS FLASH!--so has everyone else on this planet. My mistake in dealing with my brokenness was continuing to focus on MY brokenness. Even with all of the lip service to sacrifice and selflessness, I was still egocentric. I was still thinking about only me. My way out was to surrender to my pain and realize it was another step in my life. We are molded and perfected through the difficulties was are enduring. What I have found is that if I attempt to help others, my issues fade in comparison.
I in no way want to diminish the pain and hurt you may be experiencing, but if you will look past yourself, you may find healing.
R.E.M. just broke up as a group after 30 years of great music, they have always been one of my favorite groups.
I have been doing a great deal of reading about the decline of churches in the Western World. Gallup did a survey in 2008 and the Barna Group did similar work in 2009 -- they came out with these results:
Between 1948 and 2008 the percentage of Americans who identified themselves with some sort of Christianity has dropped from 91% to 77%.
Even though 77% of Americans claim a Christian faith, only 59% are affiliated with any church.
America is now sharing the same rates of decline as Western European countries.
Church leaders from America and Europe are now asking Christians in Africa and South America why their churches are growing.
A good example is the Anglican Church, the Church of England. In all of the UK there are 13.4 million members professing the Anglican faith. The number in Africa is 38.6 million. (BBC)
Mainline Protestant denominations in America are also seeing a mass exodus.
The Catholic Church, rocked by the blatant cover-ups of child molestation, likewise are seeing their numbers drop in America and Western Europe.
There are two books have really caught my eye over the past few months. They are:
Unchristian: What a New Generation Really Thinks About Christianity ...and Why it Matters by David Kinnaman.
See below for link
And his second book: You Lost Me: Why Young Christians Are Leaving Church and Rethinking Faith.
If you are a Christian, you should pick these up. You probably won't like what you read. These books were written after research was done with the age group from 16-29. These are the kids we raised and they heard us talk about family values, and saw divorce. They heard us talk about living holy lives and saw clergy and church leaders embroiled in moral catastrophes. They heard us say that the Bible is the Word of God and saw division, fracturing and in-fighting over stupid and minuet points of doctrine. We would read to them about the simple life of Jesus and they watched us amass more and more of the trappings of a materialistic world. They, like many others - just gave up on the whole thing. The main areas they find fault with Christians from Unchristian are these:
Hypocrisy ("Everyone in my church gave me advice about how to raise my son, but a lot of the time they seemed to be reminding me that I have no husband -- and besides, most of them were not following their own advice. It made it hard to care what they said. They were not practicing what they preached." Victoria, 24)
Get Saved ("Christians are too concerned with converting people. They are insincere. All I ever hear is 'Get Saved' I tried that whole 'Jesus thing' already. It didn't work for me before, and I am not interested now." Shawn, 22)
Anti-homosexuality ("Many people in the gay community don't seem to have issues with Jesus but rather those claiming to represent him today. It's very much an 'us-versus-them' mentality, as if a war has been declared. Of course each side thinks the other fired the first shot." Peter, 34)
Sheltered ("Christians enjoy being in their own community. The more they seclude themselves, the less they can function in the real world. So many Christians are caught in the Christian 'bubble'." Jonathan, 22)
Too Political (Christians are primarily motivated by a political agenda and promote right-wing politics. "Looking at it from the outside today, this message seems to have been lost in exchange for an aggressive political strategy that demonizes segments of society." Brandon, 32)
Judgmental ("Christians talk about hating the sin and loving sinners, but the way they go about things, they might as well call it what it is. They hate the sin and the sinner." Jeff, 25)
Now before you get defensive, please read on. I am sure I lost some readers with just the list above.
I believe that there is a connection between the decline of Christianity in the Western World and among the next generation. When Jesus ministered to people, they were the marginalized. He spent his time with tax collectors, harlots, rough fishermen, political extremists - one disciple was Simon the Zealot and even some gentiles. The mainstream religious leaders opposed him at every front until they could orchestrate his public execution. Christianity began as a bottom up movement. It wasn't affiliated with the power structures of its day. Over the 2,000 years since that time, it became a major player in the powers-that-be. Even today, the Church does not want to give up its grasp on power. We are currently in an election cycle and we hear about the "Evangelical"or "Catholic" votes. Politicians placate to these demographics and are attempting to capture that power base.
This is the same Church that Jesus described in these words:
"At that time the disciples came to Jesus and asked.
'Who is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven?'
He called a little child and had him stand among them.
And he said:
'I tell you the truth, unless you change and become like
little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven.
Therefore, whoever humbles himself like this child
is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven."
(Matthew 18:1-4 / NIV)
The explosive growth of Christianity in South America and Africa should shame us in the Western World. The New English Bible translates the first beatitude in Matthew 5 as follows:
"Blessed are those who know their need of God,
for to them belongs the kingdom of God"
The words of Jesus still resonate with those who have been marginalized. The Western World stands amazed that the Third World is embracing Christianity. We are so sophisticated, educated, scientific and intellectually superior - we have no need of God. As for our young people, what do we expect? Aside from the list above, they have been raised with MTV, the Internet and instant access to knowledge. Our kids have grown up skeptical. If we could abandon the whole; Who has the biggest church? Who has the most followers? Who is right? -- and focus on the ministry Jesus called us to, we may just start to see that Christianity is relevant. Jesus called us to be servants not masters. He called us to be a source of love acceptance, reconciliation and forgiveness, NOT prejudice, judgment, division, elitism and various political agendas. I am a citizen of the Kingdom of God. I pray that I can be more like Jesus in the ways I interact with those around me.
In the meantime -- love your kids and one another!
~Please Watch This Short Clip From Shawshank Redemption*~
*For those with sensitive ears, it does have one "bad" word in it
I have made it so you will be directed to You Tube so you can see it in full screen. Please come back and read below.
Hope. The Christian hope is not a wondering if something will happen, but the confident anticipation of what we know will surely come to pass. Some might find it ironic that I would use Stephen King to define hope. As Tim Robbins says, "Hope is within us". In today's vernacular, hope and wish have become synonymous. I hope it snows becomes, I wish it would snow.
Hope is deep within us, it is at our center, as a Christian I would say it is empowered by the Holy Spirit. Hope is what sustains us when the world is falling in around us. It is the True North Star that gives direction to our inner compass. We, and we alone decide if we will embrace hope or give in to fear.
In the concentration camps of Nazi Germany, their primary method of control was to destroy hope. "The Red Cross is delivering blankets in two weeks." Then nothing would come. "We are looking for skilled carpenters and plumbers." Then they would be gathered up and exterminated in the showers. You see, if you can build hope and then rip it away, you have a shot to get the person to give up - to lose hope. This was described in, Man's Search for Meaning by Vicktor Frankl, as he recounted his days in the Death camps. During 1942 - 1945 he slaved in four different camps including Auschwitz.
A great deal of us are facing troubles in our lives. We are uncertain about our jobs, homes and the economy in general. Hope tells me that I will preserver through these tough times. I have been through tough times before and I always wind up through them. I may not be where I wished I would be, but I am definitely where I hoped to be -- That being through the trouble. The passage in the New testament that gives me the most peace is in Romans 5: 2-5. Again I will share from The Message translated by Eugene Peterson:
"We throw open our doors to God
and discover at the same moment that he has already
thrown open his door to us.
We find ourselves standing where we always hoped we might stand
-- out in the wide open spaces of God's grace and glory,
standing tall and shouting our praise.
There's more to come: We continue to shout our praise
even when we are hemmed in with troubles,
because we know how troubles can develop passionate patience in us,
and how that patience in turn forges the tempered steel of virtue,
keeping us alert for whatever God will do next.
In alert expectancy (hope) such as this,
we're never feeling shortchanged.
Quite on the contrary--
we can't round up enough containers to hold everything
God generously pours into our lives through the Holy Spirit!"
All I can say is, do not let anyone or any set of circumstances rob you of the hope that is within you. Ask for help in your troubles. Ask God to help you see beyond them. Look to your North Star and plot your course - then launch out in faith that this too shall pass.
What do you do when you feel all of the depressing darkness around you? If you have spent any amount of time on this planet - you have screwed up. Yes, you can intellectually know that you are forgiven. You can know that you are doing your best to be at peace with those around you. Yet, in the midst of knowing those things, those mistakes and failures of the past have a tendency to pop up.
Darkness is a season. Darkness is Winter. It is a time to gather with those you love and feel the warmth of their love. Seasons are seasons, they pass. Knowing that it is just a season can help you know that Spring comes next. No matter how deep the Winter, it will eventually turn to Spring.
I get through darkness by getting up each day and I decide to put one foot in front of the other. Now you can stay in bed and have a royal "pity-party". Or you can get up and get on with your life. That is not an easy thing to do - every emotion in your mind is telling you to pull the blankets over your head. You have to make a conscious DECISION to get up. When you think that darkness will always be around, you have lost the battle. Albert Einstein theorized that there is no such thing as darkness, there is only the absence of light. There isn't enough darkness to extinguish one candle.
I shared my regrets that my kids do not share my faith. Yet, at the same time I am so thankful they are smart, critical thinkers. They have come out OK. They have faced divorce and even the death of their Mother. They are resilient and most importantly, they are young. When I step back and look at my regrets, I realize I am not being patient. I am not trusting the hand of God nor am I trusting my kids.
Darkness is a trickster. It makes you think that it is the only game in town. Darkness may have a hold of you right now. It is saying all is lost, you have failed -- give up! It is trying to mask all of the things in your life that are good. Even at the worst of times there are still things to be thankful. Go back to a time in your life where you actually felt the happiest you have ever felt. Picture that time in your life, see if you can even feel the emotions you felt then. Now focus on that time and only think of that. If you practice, you will start to feel those same happy emotions. When the darkness starts to wash over you, go back to that memory of happiness. One of the things I think about is hearing my kids laughing. There is no better sound to my ears than the laughter of children.
If you are a parent or are in a relationship - you have made mistakes. You also did some great things. Life isn't all or nothing. It is a lifetime that goes through season after season. Yes, Winter is here, but Spring is coming.
I hope you can see the beauty of seasons changing. All of the season we pass through are essential for us to become what God wants us to be.
~ This is one of the most moving songs I have ever heard. ~
I heard of yet another death this week, not a relative but a co-worker's family member. 2011 was a tough year for death in our family. I am at that age where I seem to know more people who are passing away than are getting married or having babies. I was talking with my son, Nathan, about this and told him,
"When you have more days behind you than in front of you,
you seem to reevaluate life."
So, as I sit and look at life I realize that hurt and pain comes in many forms. We do feel the sting when someone we love passes. We attempt to reassemble our lives and go on. If we are people of faith, we know that this life is temporary and a greater life awaits us on the other side of death.
However, in many ways that is a pain that fades over time. When we are hurt by a person or an institution, we are left with not only hurt but a gaping hole in our ability to trust. We are hesitant to trust people around us.
I know people who had some sort of conflict with someone years or even decades ago. Even after all this time they still carry within themselves the pain as if it were still happening. All it takes to bring it to the surface is a random memory or some other trigger. When at the surface, it is as though it was happening all over again. Military families see something similar to this when a loved one comes home from a war zone. Psychologists call this Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome or PTSD. Many people today are still wounded by some pain or hurt and are haunted by a form of PTSD.
Over my life I have had my share of hurt and pain, in my humble opinion, more than my fair share. I was trapped in the ever spiraling descent into hatred. When I heard that something horrible had happened to one of the people who hurt me - I was glad. Then, I heard the person who had hurt me more deeply than words can describe was diagnosed with ALS. Surprisingly, I was not glad, I started crying. I made the call to my ex-wife and apologized for anything I had done to hurt her and she did the same. I truly believe God touched my heart. All of the bitterness and hatred for her was gone. Along with her husband and our two children I spent much of late 2010 and early 2011 at her bedside. When she passed away in May of 2011, her husband and I sat on each side of her deathbed holding one of her hands. Since that time I have tried to rebuild relationships that were broken. Was the hatred worth it? - NO!
This carried over to me attempting to heal relationships that I had caused the hurt. Again, to my surprise, I found that to be the more difficult. When you have hurt someone, going to them and asking for their forgiveness is a difficult task. My tongue is a very effective weapon. I have used words as weapons for years. I was always very good at removing the issue from the argument turning it into a personal attack on the person with whom I was arguing.
I remember the old preacher story about the farmer, Josephine shared it with me this morning.
There once was a boy who had a bad temper.
His father gave him a bag of nails and told him that every time he
lost his temper, he must hammer a nail into the back of the fence.
The first day the boy has driven 37 nails into the fence,
Over the next few weeks, as he learned to control his anger,
the number of nails he used began to dwindle down.
He discovered it was easier to hold his temper than to drive
the nails into the fence. Finally the day came when the
boy did not lose his temper at all. He told his father about it, and
the father suggested that the boy now pull out one nail for each
day that he was able to hold his temper.
The days passed and the young boy was finally able to tell his father
that all the nails were gone. The father took his son by the hand
and led him to the fence. He said, "You have done well my son,
but look at the holes in the fence. The fence will never be the same.
When you say things in anger, they leave a scar just like this one.
You can put a knife in a man and draw it out. It will not matter how
many times you say you are sorry, the wound is still there."
A verbal wound can, more often than not,
cut deeper than a physical wound.
I truly believe that the only way a person can be healed from these wounds is by the touch of God. Jesus continually told his disciples to forgive as God has forgiven you. In Jeremiah 31:34b, Yahweh says,
"For I will forgive their wickedness
and remember their sins no more"
I can still remember things that have hurt me, but the pain is gone. It is over, it was in the past and I know it is over. I don't have to relive that pain over and over again - that is gone. Yes, the wounds are still there, but they are just scars that have helped to shape me into the person I am today.
I am reminded of King David. He saw a man's wife bathing and sent for her. Being the King, he could have anything he wanted. He committed adultery with her, plotted her husband's death and eventually married her. As he was convicted of his sin by the Prophet Nathan, he wrote the 51st Psalm. You might read it. I am particularly moved by verse 4.
"Against you, you only, have I sinned
and done what is evil in your sight"
Ask God to help you forgive. Ask God to help you to seek the forgiveness of those you have hurt. God knows you better than you know yourself and he knows that this kind of pain and hurt destroys people on both sides of this equation.
Peace,
~Al
Below is a song made famous by Leonard Cohen. Listen to the words about David.
I am available to speak at churches and groups, I can be contacted at al.lachner@gmail.com
.jpg)
.jpg)