~Please Allow the Words of This Song to Encourage You~
Labels are difficult to avoid. Most of us when asked to tell someone who we are respond with our vocation. I am a plumber, homemaker, minister, police officer or whatever. We do that to keep from telling people who we feel we are. I am a failure, a loser, an addict, divorced, lonely, depressed, incapable or some other label we have chosen to describe our inner hurts. Often those labels have come from a parent or other authority figure and we believed them and they stuck.
I was recently listening to a message by Joel Osteen where he spoke of "wormy" thinking. The concept grabbed me and it made sense. Over our lives we have been told who and what we are. During that same time those labels built a cocoon around us and trapped us inside. We struggle inside that cocoon and we reinforce the walls with wormy thinking. We have accepted that we are a worm and the idea of breaking free is just a distant and unattainable dream. Just as that beautiful butterfly was never meant to stay in its cocoon - neither are you!
Sometimes we forget that we are beloved by God; the Creator and Sustainer of the universe. We were created in His image. From passages like John 3:16:
"For God so loved the world that he he gave his only
begotten son That whosoever believe on him shall not perish but have everlasting life."
To Jeremiah 1:5
"Before I formed you in the womb
I knew you,
and before you were born
I consecrated you..."
There are times when the struggles and stresses of our life are so overwhelming we long to crawl back into our cocoon and wallow in self-pity. We forget the grace of God. I would like to remind you today that you are loved and that God does not look at where you have been -- He sees what you can become. I hope in some small way God can use these words to remind you that you are valuable and loved.
I apologize for not posting for over a month. My doctor found what he called "an acute blood clot" - (I didn't find it cute) - in my mid-thigh. Needless to say, I have been on industrial strength Drain-o blood thinners. They left me extremely weak. Thankfully I am balancing out on Cumadin and the clot appears to be gone. I would also like to thank those who have viewed my blog, which is at its first anniversary - 24,350 views so far.
~Please Watch This Video by my Friend Curt Cloninger~
Leadership! I hear a great deal about how we need more leaders in the church. We have Leadership Training Courses, Seminars, Retreats and even para-church organizations dedicated to training leaders. I think Curt is right - we need better followers. As human beings we have a tendency to elevate people in our expectations. More often than not, they prove to be just as frail and weak as the rest of us. We have seen ministers of gigantic churches fail morally and have witnessed the devastation left in the wake. In Mark 10:35-37, 41-45 listen to what Jesus had to say about followers and leaders:
" James and John, Zebedee's sons, came up to him.
'Teacher, we have something we want you to do for us.'
'What is it? I'll see what I can do.'
'Arrange it,' they said,
'so that we will be awarded the highest places of honor in your glory
-- one of us at the right, the other at you left.'"
....
"When the other ten heard of this conversation, they lost their tempers with James and John.
Jesus got them together to settle things down.
'You've observed how godless rulers throw their weight around,'
he said,
'and when people get a little power how quickly it goes to their heads.
It's not going to be that way with you.
Whoever wants to be great must become a servant.
Whoever wants to be first among you must be your slave.
That is what the Son of Man has done:
He came to serve, not to be served -- and then to
give his life in exchange for many who are held hostage."
(The Message)
If I were asked, "What is the largest problem facing the church?" I would say, "We no longer follow Jesus." We have divided his Body the Church over utter nonsense. We have split churches over dogmatic issues that have nothing to do with following Jesus. We have ostracized and shunned the very people Jesus surrounded himself with. We now have Mega-Churches and Mega-Preachers, yet to simply follow Jesus is woefully overlooked.
Jesus saw his followers as being the type of followers that when they had 100 sheep in a field and one went missing, would leave the 99 in search of the 1. The church is NOT a political power broker. It does NOT have the corner on the truth -- no matter which preacher is your favorite. It is NOT a place to get dressed up and meet once a week in a multi-million dollar building. THE CHURCH IS TO BE THE REPRESENTATION OF JESUS ON THIS EARTH!
We have been called to follow him, follow his example and touch people the way he did. The Kingdom of God is radical. It is not American, European, Asian, African or anything of this world. It is simply the method God has chosen to touch and heal a broken world.
Please spend some time in the Gospels. See if you can learn how Jesus thought and felt about people - then go and do likewise.
We wake each day with a gift. Too often we are so consumed with the everyday grind, we miss what is around us. Yes, I could talk about the world's problems, i.e. The economy, The Middle East, disease, war and death. If you want to hear about those things, just turn on CNN, FoxNews or MSNBC. I believe that there are far too many of us obsessing on how bad the world is and are missing the gift that each day brings. There is a wonderful verse in Psalms 118:24,
"This is the day the Lord has made,
Let us rejoice and be glad in it."
l am fully aware of the troubles that come our way and I have often spoken about those times of pain. At times the darkness is so overwhelming, we just want to crawl into a cave. I have been in that cave and the darkness was all around me -- BUT CAVES ARE DARK! The only way to get away from that darkness is to get out of your cave and walk into the sunlight. Take a moment out of each day and look for beauty, you will find it. We are a "get it done" kind of people. We fill the silence in our lives with noise and meaningless activities. Because of that we are not still enough to hear the voice of God. Regardless of the pain or hurt we are experiencing there can be beauty. I remember my ex-wife Angela, on her deathbed, had bird feeders right outside the window. She could watch the beauty around her while suffering from ALS.
We talk about having a "bad" day; that too is relative. Truth be told, no matter how bad your day is going -- someone is having a worse day. Now I do not know the context of this picture, but I can say, this guy is having a bad day. I would say he might have gotten carried away with looking for the beauty in nature and where his clothes are is anyone's guess.
Now that I have gotten the gratuitous nudity out of the way, let me just say - SLOW DOWN. Every day we are bombarded by urgent and important demands. Too often we rush to face the urgent and we miss the important. As your day starts to fill up, ask yourself if this next task is urgent or important. You will soon come to the realization that what is urgent is often NOT important. Urgent things drain us and important things fill us. Here are some important things:
Loving your family
Spending time with those you care about
Quietness
Spirituality and your relationship with God
Caring for people who have less than yourself
Helping people who can never pay you back
The laughter of a child
The embrace of a loved one.
Remember this:
I don't know of a single person on their deathbed saying,
"I should have spent more time at the office."
Learn to be still.
The song below is taken from an ancient Navajo, (Dineh) poem. It holds great truth.
~ This Song Came on the Radio and it Touched Me. ~
I come in contact with so many people who have been hurt or alienated from a parent, friend or sibling. Often times there can be decades between any type of communication. In my own life, as a survivor of various types of abuse, I close a door in my mind on that person. I guess I got that from my Dad. He was a very "compartmentalized" man. He could seal off emotions, feelings and even memories that he chose to forget. I know now that is probably the worst thing a person can do. We stuff our anger and even hatred so far down inside of us we no longer seem to feel the pain.
That may be true to our conscious mind but it just brews and festers below the surface. We seem fine on the outside, but beneath is festering rot.Then comes a time when you can no longer talk things out. That person is gone and all is left is a nagging sense of shame and guilt for not acting sooner, or if that rot has progressed - you are glad that person has gone.
During these past couple of years it seems that many people I know have died. Maybe it is because I am an old man and my peer group is just getting smaller by attrition. But since I am an old man, I have learned a few things.
There is an interesting story at the beginning of John 8:
John 8:1-11 (MSG)
To Throw The Stone
"Jesus went across to the Mount of Olives, but he was soon back in the Temple again. Swarms of people came to him. He sat down and taught them. The religion scholars and the Pharisees led in a woman who had been caught in an act of adultery. They stood her in plain sight of everyone and said,
"Teacher, this woman was caught red-handed in the act of adultery. Moses, in the Law, gives orders to stone such persons. What do you say?"
They were trying to trap him into saying something incriminating so they could bring some charges against him.
Jesus bent down and wrote with his finger in the dirt. They kept at him, badgering him. He straightened up and said,
"The sinless one among you, go first: Throw the stone."
Bending down again, he wrote some more in the dirt.
Hearing that, they walked away, one after another,
beginning with the oldest.
The woman was left alone.
Jesus stood up and spoke to her,
"Woman, where are they? Does no one condemn you?"
"No one, Master"
"Neither do I," said Jesus
"Go on your way. From now on, don't sin"
Did you catch those who walked away first? It was the oldest in the crowd. There is something that comes with age - knowing you are not always on the right side. With age, through the lenses of our own personal failures and pain, you realize that life is not as simple as it was in your 20's. In my 20's, 30's and even in my 40's I had all the answers. Now as I approach the sunset of my life, I see the questions I overlooked in my youth.
In my pursuit of the truth I had made the Bible into a rule book that I could use to order my life - and often times, order the lives of others. Now I look at the Bible in its entirety, I see a symphony or a dance that God has created to help us live, love and get along with one another in this world.
I don't know if you noticed they only brought the woman before Jesus. I always thought it took two people to commit adultery. Not to justify adultery, but what were the circumstances? Where was the guy? Was he in the crowd holding a stone? Was she set up to be a pawn? I assume Jesus understood the game that was going on. Many have wondered what he was writing in the dirt, I think he was bored with the entire spectacle and sickened by their religious hypocrisy. I imagine him doodling.
Now back to the topic at hand, Are there people in your life you are angry with? Have you hurt someone? Has someone hurt you? NOW is the time to straighten things out. I have spoken about my Father's abuse of me as a kid. I can also tell you that when my Dad passed away, we were on great terms. It wasn't my great ability to forgive or my compassionate heart. I had been touched by the grace of God. What caused me to do what I did came because I realized how much God had forgiven and accepted me.
My Dad was recovering from prostate surgery. (This is kind of gross) He hadn't had a bowel movement in three days and I was supposed to take him back to the hospital the next day. In the middle of the night the air in our house turned blue as I heard a string of profanity being shouted by my Father. I got up, and let's just say 'The dam broke". He was completely covered with excrement and VERY embarrassed. I pulled him into the bathroom and turned on the shower. I started removing his soiled pajamas, as he kept saying "No! No!" I got him into the shower and cleaned him up. He calmed down and was crying and said,
"After all I have done to you, how can you do this?". I just said, "Because you are my Dad."
From that point on, he was my Dad; we had a good relationship over the next three years until he passed away. I know there must be someone in your life you can reach out to. Whether you were the cause or the recipient - reconciliation is a good thing.
~Please Listen to This Newer Version of the Song Amazing Grace~ This was the song at Angela's memorial service.
[There was no blog last week. I have been working on my website - www.allachner.com . It still has a bit of work to do but it progressing. I also added a Facebook page at www.facebook.com/Lachner.Al . I hope we can have discussions through these two pages. You will be able to jump back and forth between here and these two pages]
"For we too were once foolish, disobedient, misled,
enslaved to various passions and desires,
spending our lives in evil and envy, hateful and hating one another.
But when the kindness of God our Savior and his
love for us dawned upon this world,
he saved us not by works of righteousness that we have done
but on the basis of his mercy,
through the washing of rebirth and the renewing of the Holy Spirit,
whom he poured out on us in full measure
through Jesus Christ our Savior.
And so, since we have been justified by his grace,
we become heirs with confident expectation of eternal life."
(Titus 3:3-7 The New English Bible)
When the Golden Gate bridge was constructed from 1933-1937, it was an engineering marvel. It spanned the 1.7 mile opening connecting the Pacific Ocean to San Francisco Bay. During the beginning stages of the construction eleven men fell to their death, while working on the bridge. This caused a slow down in work, because the workers were in constant fear of falling. Eventually, a net was placed under the bridge which saved the lives of 19 men. They became part of the group, self-titled, "The Halfway to Hell Club". Aside from saving 19 lives it took away much of the fear that was plaguing the workers, causing the work to speed up. I find a great deal of similarities between this story and the plight of many people today who profess a Christian faith. The Church has not done much to dissuade the fear and guilt many Christians face on a daily basis. Many churches and preachers use guilt to motivate and to some extent control those in their flocks. I talk to a great many people who are miserable in their Christian faith. They are constantly wondering if the are doing enough or doing the wrong things; with the constant fear of eternal torment in the back of their minds.
This is the antithesis of how the New Testament describes Christianity. There is a net! The passage above says we were not saved by how good we are. In fact, it states the opposite. The language that is used says God saved us, we do not save ourselves. As we accept by faith that Jesus was and is the atonement for our sins and failures, we experience the grace of God. The word for Grace in Greek is Chiros or "gift". A gift is not earned, it is given. The response to a gift is thankfulness and gratitude, not guilt. Paul says in Romans 3, "Blessed is the man whom the Lord will never count his sin against him". John says in 1 John 1:7, "If we walk in the light, as he is in the light, the blood of Jesus his son (continually - present indicative active in Greek) washes away our sins." In the context of 1 John, "Walking in the light" is defined by loving your brothers and sister in Christ, (see 1 John 2:9-12.) Notice this is not an arbitrary list of do's and don't from some power hungry preacher. Ultimately, it does not come down to how many times you attended church or that you don't smoke , drink or chew or go with those who do. It is based on how you treat people.
Many churches are filled with people who have never missed a Sunday yet they are some of the most judgmental and mean people you will ever meet. They determine if people are dressed correctly, if they have the "truth" or if they are living up to some moral code they have concocted. Often their lives are consumed with gossip and using the failures of others to justify their own religious standing.
Whenever grace is brought up, James 2 comes into the discussion. James 2 talks about the need for works. That if our faith does not include works of righteousness, we have missed the mark. If you read the entire book of James, he is saying that there should be a response of gratitude by placing your faith in the grace of God. This passage is not yanking the net from under you, rather it is saying that if you have faith, you will treat people differently. Not for what you can get out of them but what you can do for them. Peter says, "We are free in Christ but do not use your freedom as a license for evil". Grace is not a "Get Out of Jail Free" card. Again it is gratitude. It is a change from the inside out. Because we have experienced unconditional love and acceptance, we feel urged to share that kind of love with those around us.
So this week, reach out to some people you may have alienated. Show grace to them. It is a good time to heal old wounds.
~I Invite You to Listen to This Song Before Reading Below~
Broken or brokenness is an interesting concept.
It has two distinct aspects that are really intertwined and I hope to explain these in this week's blog.
Stick with me on this one.
Not far from my home there is an adoption center for wild horses. When someone adopts a wild horse, if they plan to ride it, it has to be broken. The military has a process called "Boot Camp", it's primary purpose is to break and rebuild new recruits. In the new "politically correct" version of boot camp, they have removed "break" from the vocabulary. However, both of these instances accomplish the same objective. They remove a previous behavior, or group of behaviors, and replace it/them with new behaviors. For the horse, it learns to channel its energy and power to be controlled by the owner, (sorry P.E.T.A.). In the military, it instills the need to work as a team or a unit. Isn't it interesting that the Army recently changed the recruiting ads to "An Army of One"?
As Americans, we have a problem with the this aspect of brokenness. We live in a culture that has become more and more selfish. We disguise this selfishness into "rugged individualism". Burger King says, "Have It Your Way." We want everything on our terms, built around a construct of our own selfish mold. If our needs aren't being met, we quit. We quit relationships, marriages, families, jobs, organizations, schools and whatever else does not meet our needs. The new motto for our culture should be "My Way or the Highway".
This idea has caused us to view everything in our lives with an underlying, "What's in it for me?" attitude. When we are faced with the teachings of Jesus, our culture is in diametric opposition to his world view. In Matthew 5, he says, "Blessed are the meek...". This word meek - prauscan also be translated as humble, gentile, open and receptive. Interestingly enough, the etymology of this word is associated with a horse that is under control - broken. The concept of dying to yourself is consistent throughout the New Testament. Jesus does not ask us to be selfish materialistic consumers trying to live in the upper echelons of society. He actually calls us to be selfless and to serve society. Paul sums up this attitude in Philippians 2, again from The Message a translation by Eugene Petersen:
"If you've gotten anything at all out of following Christ,
if his love has made a difference in your life,
if being in a community of the Spirit means anything to you,
if you have a heart, if you CARE -- then do me a favor:
Agree with each other,
love each other,
be deep-spirited friends.
Don't push your way to the front,
Don't sweet-talk your way to the top.
Put yourselves aside, and help others get ahead.
Don't be obsessed with getting your own advantage.
Forget yourselves long enough to lend a helping hand.
Think of yourselves the way Christ Jesus thought of himself.
He had equal status with God but did not think so much of himself that he had to cling to the advantages of that status no matter what.
Not at all.
When the time came, he set aside the privileges of deity
and took the status of a slave, became human!
Having become human, he stayed human.
It was an incredibly humbling process.
He didn't claim special privileges.
Instead, he lived a selfless, obedient life and
then died a selfless, obedient death
-- and the worst kind of death at that -- a crucifixion"
(Philippians 2: 1-8)
That is the first kind of brokenness. It is a brokenness from our selfish, American -- What's in it for me? -- attitude. The second type of brokenness has probably been felt by more of us than the previous.
I have spoken a great deal about the brokenness I have endured in my life. It is a shattering of what you believed, hoped and dreamed about your life. Everything is torn away from you and your life is laid bare. You see no way out. You can't trust anyone. You come to the realization that the deck life has dealt you, is stacked against you. Maybe a relationship has evaporated before your eyes. Maybe a group of people you trusted has betrayed your trust. Maybe death has come and took away a person you loved, and all you hear are pious platitudes. People have shared their stories with me. They have been stories of such intense pain, I wonder how they survived.
What I have learned through my life is surviving the second aspect of brokenness is dependent of the first aspect. Much of the time I spent in brokenness was spent in self pity. Instead of "What's in it for me?" it became, "Why is this happening to me?". The commonality in those two statements is "me". Yes, I have been in pain, I have experienced the end of relationships, I have experienced death of a loved one -- BUT, NEWS FLASH!--so has everyone else on this planet. My mistake in dealing with my brokenness was continuing to focus on MY brokenness. Even with all of the lip service to sacrifice and selflessness, I was still egocentric. I was still thinking about only me. My way out was to surrender to my pain and realize it was another step in my life. We are molded and perfected through the difficulties was are enduring. What I have found is that if I attempt to help others, my issues fade in comparison.
I in no way want to diminish the pain and hurt you may be experiencing, but if you will look past yourself, you may find healing.
~Please Watch This Short Clip From Shawshank Redemption*~
*For those with sensitive ears, it does have one "bad" word in it
I have made it so you will be directed to You Tube so you can see it in full screen. Please come back and read below.
Hope. The Christian hope is not a wondering if something will happen, but the confident anticipation of what we know will surely come to pass. Some might find it ironic that I would use Stephen King to define hope. As Tim Robbins says, "Hope is within us". In today's vernacular, hope and wish have become synonymous. I hope it snows becomes, I wish it would snow.
Hope is deep within us, it is at our center, as a Christian I would say it is empowered by the Holy Spirit. Hope is what sustains us when the world is falling in around us. It is the True North Star that gives direction to our inner compass. We, and we alone decide if we will embrace hope or give in to fear.
In the concentration camps of Nazi Germany, their primary method of control was to destroy hope. "The Red Cross is delivering blankets in two weeks." Then nothing would come. "We are looking for skilled carpenters and plumbers." Then they would be gathered up and exterminated in the showers. You see, if you can build hope and then rip it away, you have a shot to get the person to give up - to lose hope. This was described in, Man's Search for Meaning by Vicktor Frankl, as he recounted his days in the Death camps. During 1942 - 1945 he slaved in four different camps including Auschwitz.
A great deal of us are facing troubles in our lives. We are uncertain about our jobs, homes and the economy in general. Hope tells me that I will preserver through these tough times. I have been through tough times before and I always wind up through them. I may not be where I wished I would be, but I am definitely where I hoped to be -- That being through the trouble. The passage in the New testament that gives me the most peace is in Romans 5: 2-5. Again I will share from The Message translated by Eugene Peterson:
"We throw open our doors to God
and discover at the same moment that he has already
thrown open his door to us.
We find ourselves standing where we always hoped we might stand
-- out in the wide open spaces of God's grace and glory,
standing tall and shouting our praise.
There's more to come: We continue to shout our praise
even when we are hemmed in with troubles,
because we know how troubles can develop passionate patience in us,
and how that patience in turn forges the tempered steel of virtue,
keeping us alert for whatever God will do next.
In alert expectancy (hope) such as this,
we're never feeling shortchanged.
Quite on the contrary--
we can't round up enough containers to hold everything
God generously pours into our lives through the Holy Spirit!"
All I can say is, do not let anyone or any set of circumstances rob you of the hope that is within you. Ask for help in your troubles. Ask God to help you see beyond them. Look to your North Star and plot your course - then launch out in faith that this too shall pass.
What do you do when you feel all of the depressing darkness around you? If you have spent any amount of time on this planet - you have screwed up. Yes, you can intellectually know that you are forgiven. You can know that you are doing your best to be at peace with those around you. Yet, in the midst of knowing those things, those mistakes and failures of the past have a tendency to pop up.
Darkness is a season. Darkness is Winter. It is a time to gather with those you love and feel the warmth of their love. Seasons are seasons, they pass. Knowing that it is just a season can help you know that Spring comes next. No matter how deep the Winter, it will eventually turn to Spring.
I get through darkness by getting up each day and I decide to put one foot in front of the other. Now you can stay in bed and have a royal "pity-party". Or you can get up and get on with your life. That is not an easy thing to do - every emotion in your mind is telling you to pull the blankets over your head. You have to make a conscious DECISION to get up. When you think that darkness will always be around, you have lost the battle. Albert Einstein theorized that there is no such thing as darkness, there is only the absence of light. There isn't enough darkness to extinguish one candle.
I shared my regrets that my kids do not share my faith. Yet, at the same time I am so thankful they are smart, critical thinkers. They have come out OK. They have faced divorce and even the death of their Mother. They are resilient and most importantly, they are young. When I step back and look at my regrets, I realize I am not being patient. I am not trusting the hand of God nor am I trusting my kids.
Darkness is a trickster. It makes you think that it is the only game in town. Darkness may have a hold of you right now. It is saying all is lost, you have failed -- give up! It is trying to mask all of the things in your life that are good. Even at the worst of times there are still things to be thankful. Go back to a time in your life where you actually felt the happiest you have ever felt. Picture that time in your life, see if you can even feel the emotions you felt then. Now focus on that time and only think of that. If you practice, you will start to feel those same happy emotions. When the darkness starts to wash over you, go back to that memory of happiness. One of the things I think about is hearing my kids laughing. There is no better sound to my ears than the laughter of children.
If you are a parent or are in a relationship - you have made mistakes. You also did some great things. Life isn't all or nothing. It is a lifetime that goes through season after season. Yes, Winter is here, but Spring is coming.
I hope you can see the beauty of seasons changing. All of the season we pass through are essential for us to become what God wants us to be.
~ This is one of the most moving songs I have ever heard. ~
I heard of yet another death this week, not a relative but a co-worker's family member. 2011 was a tough year for death in our family. I am at that age where I seem to know more people who are passing away than are getting married or having babies. I was talking with my son, Nathan, about this and told him,
"When you have more days behind you than in front of you,
you seem to reevaluate life."
So, as I sit and look at life I realize that hurt and pain comes in many forms. We do feel the sting when someone we love passes. We attempt to reassemble our lives and go on. If we are people of faith, we know that this life is temporary and a greater life awaits us on the other side of death.
However, in many ways that is a pain that fades over time. When we are hurt by a person or an institution, we are left with not only hurt but a gaping hole in our ability to trust. We are hesitant to trust people around us.
I know people who had some sort of conflict with someone years or even decades ago. Even after all this time they still carry within themselves the pain as if it were still happening. All it takes to bring it to the surface is a random memory or some other trigger. When at the surface, it is as though it was happening all over again. Military families see something similar to this when a loved one comes home from a war zone. Psychologists call this Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome or PTSD. Many people today are still wounded by some pain or hurt and are haunted by a form of PTSD.
Over my life I have had my share of hurt and pain, in my humble opinion, more than my fair share. I was trapped in the ever spiraling descent into hatred. When I heard that something horrible had happened to one of the people who hurt me - I was glad. Then, I heard the person who had hurt me more deeply than words can describe was diagnosed with ALS. Surprisingly, I was not glad, I started crying. I made the call to my ex-wife and apologized for anything I had done to hurt her and she did the same. I truly believe God touched my heart. All of the bitterness and hatred for her was gone. Along with her husband and our two children I spent much of late 2010 and early 2011 at her bedside. When she passed away in May of 2011, her husband and I sat on each side of her deathbed holding one of her hands. Since that time I have tried to rebuild relationships that were broken. Was the hatred worth it? - NO!
This carried over to me attempting to heal relationships that I had caused the hurt. Again, to my surprise, I found that to be the more difficult. When you have hurt someone, going to them and asking for their forgiveness is a difficult task. My tongue is a very effective weapon. I have used words as weapons for years. I was always very good at removing the issue from the argument turning it into a personal attack on the person with whom I was arguing.
I remember the old preacher story about the farmer, Josephine shared it with me this morning.
There once was a boy who had a bad temper.
His father gave him a bag of nails and told him that every time he
lost his temper, he must hammer a nail into the back of the fence.
The first day the boy has driven 37 nails into the fence,
Over the next few weeks, as he learned to control his anger,
the number of nails he used began to dwindle down.
He discovered it was easier to hold his temper than to drive
the nails into the fence. Finally the day came when the
boy did not lose his temper at all. He told his father about it, and
the father suggested that the boy now pull out one nail for each
day that he was able to hold his temper.
The days passed and the young boy was finally able to tell his father
that all the nails were gone. The father took his son by the hand
and led him to the fence. He said, "You have done well my son,
but look at the holes in the fence. The fence will never be the same.
When you say things in anger, they leave a scar just like this one.
You can put a knife in a man and draw it out. It will not matter how
many times you say you are sorry, the wound is still there."
A verbal wound can, more often than not,
cut deeper than a physical wound.
I truly believe that the only way a person can be healed from these wounds is by the touch of God. Jesus continually told his disciples to forgive as God has forgiven you. In Jeremiah 31:34b, Yahweh says,
"For I will forgive their wickedness
and remember their sins no more"
I can still remember things that have hurt me, but the pain is gone. It is over, it was in the past and I know it is over. I don't have to relive that pain over and over again - that is gone. Yes, the wounds are still there, but they are just scars that have helped to shape me into the person I am today.
I am reminded of King David. He saw a man's wife bathing and sent for her. Being the King, he could have anything he wanted. He committed adultery with her, plotted her husband's death and eventually married her. As he was convicted of his sin by the Prophet Nathan, he wrote the 51st Psalm. You might read it. I am particularly moved by verse 4.
"Against you, you only, have I sinned
and done what is evil in your sight"
Ask God to help you forgive. Ask God to help you to seek the forgiveness of those you have hurt. God knows you better than you know yourself and he knows that this kind of pain and hurt destroys people on both sides of this equation.
Peace,
~Al
Below is a song made famous by Leonard Cohen. Listen to the words about David.
I am available to speak at churches and groups, I can be contacted at al.lachner@gmail.com
Labels are difficult to avoid. Most of us when asked to tell someone who we are respond with our vocation. I am a plumber, homemaker, minister, police officer or whatever. We do that to keep from telling people who we feel we are. I am a failure, a loser, an addict, divorced, lonely, depressed, incapable or some other label we have chosen to describe our inner hurts. Often those labels have come from a parent or other authority figure and we believed them and they stuck. 
There are times when the struggles and stresses of our life are so overwhelming we long to crawl back into our cocoon and wallow in self-pity. We forget the grace of God. I would like to remind you today that you are loved and that God does not look at where you have been -- He sees what you can become. I hope in some small way God can use these words to remind you that you are valuable and loved.
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