LIVING YEARS

~ This Song Came on the Radio and it Touched Me. ~

I come in contact with so many people who have been hurt or alienated from a parent, friend or sibling. Often times there can be decades between any type of communication. In my own life, as a survivor of various types of abuse, I close a door in my mind on that person. I guess I got that from my Dad. He was a very "compartmentalized" man. He could seal off emotions, feelings and even memories that he chose to forget. I know now that is probably the worst thing a person can do. We stuff our anger and even hatred so far down inside of us we no longer seem to feel the pain.

That may be true to our conscious mind but it just brews and festers below the surface. We seem fine on the outside, but beneath is festering rot.Then comes a time when you can no longer talk things out. That person is gone and all is left is a nagging sense of shame and guilt for not acting sooner, or if that rot has progressed - you are glad that person has gone.

During these past couple of years it seems that many people I know have died. Maybe it is because I am an old man and my peer group is just getting smaller by attrition. But since I am an old man, I have learned a few things.

There is an interesting story at the beginning of John 8:

John 8:1-11 (MSG)

To Throw The Stone

"Jesus went across to the Mount of Olives, but he was soon back in the Temple again. Swarms of people came to him. He sat down and taught them. The religion scholars and the Pharisees led in a woman who had been caught in an act of adultery. They stood her in plain sight of everyone and said,

"Teacher, this woman was caught red-handed in the act of adultery. Moses, in the Law, gives orders to stone such persons. What do you say?"

They were trying to trap him into saying something incriminating so they could bring some charges against him.

Jesus bent down and wrote with his finger in the dirt. They kept at him, badgering him. He straightened up and said,

"The sinless one among you, go first: Throw the stone."

Bending down again, he wrote some more in the dirt.

Hearing that, they walked away, one after another, 

beginning with the oldest.

The woman was left alone.

Jesus stood up and spoke to her,

"Woman, where are they? Does no one condemn you?"

"No one, Master"

"Neither do I," said Jesus

"Go on your way. From now on, don't sin"

Did you catch those who walked away first? It was the oldest in the crowd. There is something that comes with age - knowing you are not always on the right side. With age, through the lenses of our own personal failures and pain, you realize that life is not as simple as it was in your 20's. In my 20's, 30's and even in my 40's I had all the answers. Now as I approach the sunset of my life, I see the questions I overlooked in my youth.

In my pursuit of the truth I had made the Bible into a rule book that I could use to order my life - and often times, order the lives of others. Now I look at the Bible in its entirety, I see a symphony or a dance that God has created to help us live, love and get along with one another in this world.

I don't know if you noticed they only brought the woman before Jesus. I always thought it took two people to commit adultery. Not to justify adultery, but what were the circumstances? Where was the guy? Was he in the crowd holding a stone? Was she set up to be a pawn? I assume Jesus understood the game that was going on. Many have wondered what he was writing in the dirt, I think he was bored with the entire spectacle and sickened by their religious hypocrisy. I imagine him doodling.

Now back to the topic at hand, Are there people in your life you are angry with? Have you hurt someone? Has someone hurt you? NOW is the time to straighten things out. I have spoken about my Father's abuse of me as a kid. I can also tell you that when my Dad passed away, we were on great terms. It wasn't my great ability to forgive or my compassionate heart. I had been touched by the grace of God. What caused me to do what I did came because I realized how much God had forgiven and accepted me.

My Dad was recovering from prostate surgery. (This is kind of gross) He hadn't had a bowel movement in three days and I was supposed to take him back to the hospital the next day. In the middle of the night the air in our house turned blue as I heard a string of profanity being shouted by my Father. I got up, and let's just say 'The dam broke". He was completely covered with excrement and VERY embarrassed. I pulled him into the bathroom and turned on the shower. I started removing his soiled pajamas, as he kept saying "No! No!" I got him into the shower and cleaned him up. He calmed down and was crying and said,

"After all I have done to you, how can you do this?". I just said, "Because you are my Dad."

From that point on, he was my Dad; we had a good relationship over the next three years until he passed away. I know there must be someone in your life you can reach out to. Whether you were the cause or the recipient - reconciliation is a good thing.


Peace,
~Al

BROKEN

~I Invite You to Listen to This Song Before Reading Below~

Broken or brokenness is an interesting concept. 

It has two distinct aspects that are really intertwined and I hope to explain these in this week's blog. 

Stick with me on this one.

Not far from my home there is an adoption center for wild horses. When someone adopts a wild horse, if they plan to ride it, it has to be broken. The military has a process called "Boot Camp", it's primary purpose is to break and rebuild new recruits. In the new "politically correct" version of boot camp, they have removed "break" from the vocabulary. However, both of these instances accomplish the same objective. They remove a previous behavior, or group of behaviors, and replace it/them with new behaviors. For the horse, it learns to channel its energy and power to be controlled by the owner, (sorry P.E.T.A.). In the military,  it instills the need to work as a team or a unit. Isn't it interesting that the Army recently changed the recruiting ads to "An Army of One"?

As Americans, we have a problem with the this aspect of brokenness. We live in a culture that has become more and more selfish. We disguise this selfishness into "rugged individualism". Burger King says, "Have It Your Way." We want everything on our terms, built around a construct of our own selfish mold. If our needs aren't being met, we quit. We quit relationships, marriages, families, jobs, organizations, schools and whatever else does not meet our needs. The new motto for our culture should be "My Way or the Highway". 

This idea has caused us to view everything in our lives with an underlying, "What's in it for me?"  attitude. When we are faced with the teachings of Jesus, our culture is in diametric opposition to his world view. In Matthew 5, he says, "Blessed are the meek...". This word meek - praus can also be translated as humble, gentile, open and receptive. Interestingly enough, the etymology of this word is associated with a horse that is under control - broken. The concept of dying to yourself is consistent throughout the New Testament. Jesus does not ask us to be selfish materialistic consumers trying to live in the upper echelons of society. He actually calls us to be selfless and to serve society. Paul sums up this attitude in Philippians 2, again from The Message a translation by Eugene Petersen: 

"If you've gotten anything at all out of following Christ,

if his love has made a difference in your life,

if being in a community of the Spirit means anything to you,

if you have a heart, if you CARE -- then do me a favor:

Agree with each other,

love each other,

be deep-spirited friends.

Don't push your way to the front,

Don't sweet-talk your way to the top.

Put yourselves aside, and help others get ahead.

Don't be obsessed with getting your own advantage.

Forget yourselves long enough to lend a helping hand.

Think of yourselves the way Christ Jesus thought of himself.

He had equal status with God but did not think so much of himself that he had to cling to the advantages of that status no matter what.

Not at all.

When the time came, he set aside the privileges of deity

and took the status of a slave, became human!

Having become human, he stayed human.

It was an incredibly humbling process.

He didn't claim special privileges.

Instead, he lived a selfless, obedient life and 

then died a selfless, obedient death

-- and the worst kind of death at that -- a crucifixion"

(Philippians 2: 1-8)

That is the first kind of brokenness. It is a brokenness from our selfish, American -- What's in it for me? -- attitude. The second type of brokenness has probably been felt by more of us than the previous.

I have spoken a great deal about the brokenness I have endured in my life. It is a shattering of what you believed, hoped and dreamed about your life. Everything is torn away from you and your life is laid bare. You see no way out. You can't trust anyone. You come to the realization that the deck life has dealt you, is stacked against you. Maybe a relationship has evaporated before your eyes. Maybe a group of people you trusted has betrayed your trust. Maybe death has come and took away a person you loved, and all you hear are pious platitudes. People have shared their stories with me. They have been stories of such intense pain, I wonder how they survived.

What I have learned through my life is surviving the second aspect of brokenness is dependent of the first aspect. Much of the time I spent in brokenness was spent in self pity. Instead of "What's in it for me?" it became, "Why is this happening to me?". The commonality in those two statements is "me". Yes, I have been in pain, I have experienced the end of relationships, I have experienced death of a loved one -- BUT, NEWS FLASH!--so has everyone else on this planet. My mistake in dealing with my brokenness was continuing to focus on MY brokenness. Even with all of the lip service to sacrifice and selflessness, I was still egocentric. I was still thinking about only me. My way out was to surrender to my pain and realize it was another step in my life. We are molded and perfected through the difficulties was are enduring. What I have found is that if I attempt to help others, my issues fade in comparison.

I in no way want to diminish the pain and hurt you may be experiencing, but if you will look past yourself, you may find healing.  

Peace,

~Al

HOPE

~Please Watch This Short Clip From Shawshank Redemption*~

*For those with sensitive ears, it does have one "bad" word in it


I have made it so you will be directed to You Tube so you can see it in full screen. Please come back and read below.

Hope. The Christian hope is not a wondering if something will happen, but the confident anticipation of what we know will surely come to pass. Some might find it ironic that I would use Stephen King to define hope. As Tim Robbins says, "Hope is within us". In today's vernacular, hope and wish have become synonymous. I hope it snows becomes, I wish it would snow.

Hope is deep within us, it is at our center, as a Christian I would say it is empowered by the Holy Spirit. Hope is what sustains us when the world is falling in around us. It is the True North Star that gives direction to our inner compass. We, and we alone decide if we will embrace hope or give in to fear.

In the concentration camps of Nazi Germany, their primary method of control was to destroy hope. "The Red Cross is delivering blankets in two weeks." Then nothing would come. "We are looking for skilled carpenters and plumbers." Then they would be gathered up and exterminated in the showers. You see, if you can build hope and then rip it away, you have a shot to get the person to give up - to lose hope. This was described in,  Man's Search for Meaning by Vicktor Frankl, as he recounted his days in the Death camps. During 1942 - 1945 he slaved in four different camps including Auschwitz.

http://www.amazon.com/Mans-Search-Meaning-Viktor-Frankl/dp/0807014273/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1330377543&sr=1-1

A great deal of us are facing troubles in our lives. We are uncertain about our jobs, homes and the economy in general. Hope tells me that I will preserver through these tough times. I have been through tough times before and I always wind up through them. I may not be where I wished I would be, but I am definitely where I hoped to be -- That being through the trouble. The passage in the New testament that gives me the most peace is in Romans 5: 2-5. Again I will share from The Message translated by Eugene Peterson:

"We throw open our doors to God

and discover at the same moment that he has already

thrown open his door to us.

We find ourselves standing where we always hoped we might stand

-- out in the wide open spaces of God's grace and glory,

standing tall and shouting our praise.

There's more to come: We continue to shout our praise

even when we are hemmed in with troubles,

because we know how troubles can develop passionate patience in us,

and how that patience in turn forges the tempered steel of virtue,

keeping us alert for whatever God will do next.

In alert expectancy (hope) such as this,

we're never feeling shortchanged.

Quite on the contrary--

we can't round up enough containers to hold everything

God generously pours into our lives through the Holy Spirit!"

All I can say is, do not let anyone or any set of circumstances rob you of the hope that is within you. Ask for help in your troubles. Ask God to help you see beyond them. Look to your North Star and plot your course - then launch out in faith that this too shall pass.

Peace,
~Al

JOY

~Please Take a Break and Listen to this Video~

Joy is one of those words that we think we know the definition, but we often do not. It reminds me of when the Supreme Court was discussing the question of pornography. One Justice said, "I can't define it, but I know it when I see it." For you more conservative readers out there - I am not writing on the joy of pornography; but rather that joy is difficult to define. Joy is far deeper than happiness. Joy persists through times of pain and hurt. Happiness is fleeting and is often replaced with sadness - joy is within us and is tied to our view of life. I picked a picture of joy carved in stone to reinforce the stability of joy.

For Christians, joy is tied to our view of Heaven and the Second Coming of Jesus Christ - the parousia:

"For what is our hope, our joy, or the crown of boasting before the Lord Jesus at his coming? Is it not you? For you are our glory and joy." 

1 Thessalonians 2:19- 20 - (ESV)

It was this joy that allowed early Christians to endure terrible suffering, torture and even martyrdom. Their view of life was that even though everything in and including their lives was being torn away, they were still loved and by faith would see God in the next life.

Additionally, while writing the Letter to the Philippians, Paul was in a Roman prison awaiting his trial and eventual execution. Yet he speaks of joy throughout this letter. His reason is found in:

" What is more, I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them rubbish that I may gain Christ and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ - the righteousness that comes by faith. 

I want to know Christ and the power of his resurrection and the fellowship in sharing in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, and so, somehow, attain to the resurrection from the dead. 

Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, 

but I press on to take hold of that 

for which Christ Jesus took hold of me."   

Philippians 3:8-12 - (NIV)

The idea of having a fellowship, (koinonia - commonality), with Jesus' suffering in addition to the hope of eternity with God; allowed early Christians to see past the present struggles to a bright future. Now before a skeptic decides I am advocating some sort of masochistic ascetic lifestyle - I am not. 

What I am saying is that whatever your view of life, it has to see hope on the horizon. Joy is an inner contentment that survives all of the garbage this world throws at us. We are currently on the verge of a serious monetary meltdown. People have lost jobs, homes and families. The Tea Party people and the 99% have one thing in common - they are angry. This too will pass. In the midst of pain, from unemployment, divorce, death of a loved one, foreclosure, bankruptcy or the general global unrest - you need joy to sustain you.

Joy allows you to get up each day and put one foot in front of the other because there is somewhere you are headed. In that, you are content. Hurt, pain and struggles will always be with us. However, so will sunsets, children laughing, love, faithful dogs, grandchildren,  and something in your life that makes it worth living. Even if you are at the bottom of the darkest hole in your life, pull yourself up to the edge and look to the horizon - I hope you see joy.

Peace & Joy

~Al

P.S. Shortly after the Berlin Wall was torn down a combined choir made up of those from East and West Germany sang Beethoven's, Ode to Joy. It was conducted by a Jewish conductor. Now admittedly, this is not that version, but I thought I might bring a smile to your face.